Hurricane I

For the first time, I think ever, the Bush people are at the place where they are dealing with the possibility of losing this election. And two days before the main event, that's a really bad thing for them. I've read several articles about how Bush & Co. might be starting to crack (not least of which is why on Earth did Karl Rove feel the need to sit under the wheels?) and this is another. And being a proud Kerry supporter, I relished it, except for this part at the end:

Young's church, Grove City Nazarene, will hold a prayer vigil Monday night to ask that the "Lord to put the right man in the White House."

"Lord," they will say, "Guide people when they go into that voting booth. Guide their hand to vote by the Bible."

But Young is not blinkered; she reads the newspapers, knows how hair-thin a margin Bush has in Ohio. Only this week she began to consider the impossible, that Bush could be right and still lose -- and put that together with her conviction that God knows what He's doing.

"If that happens, the Lord must want Kerry to be in there," she says. "If that happens, it must be the Lord is telling us we're living in the Last Days, and we'd better prepare."

How did this happen? How is Bush the Messiah? It really bothers me that I don't understand, but I really, really don't. The words themselves don't surprise me, I watch too much SNL for that and it is parodied too often, but I do not understand the belief behind the words.

Religion is a strange, strange thing.

From an Online Discussion on the Washington Post, Ana Marie Cox, aka Wonkette, answers the most important question of all:

Crawford, Tex.: Do you use Windows or Mac?


Ana Marie Cox: Mac, mac, mac. All the way. I'm on an iBook right now, but I have a 12" Power Mac as well. And two iPods. Do you think they might give me some free stuff?

I would love to see Wonkette on an Apple commercial. I'd say that I'd buy more of them, but I'm already saving for an iPod (sort of), and I own two Macintosh laptops. So I'm not exactly the target audience right now...

From Slate, a little something we would all do well to rememeber.

Especially me.

I plan to finish half a bottle or red wine on Election Night, chanting, "It WILL be okay, It WILL be okay..."

Read this.

And then relax, knowing that you have lowered your blood pressure by both laughing and thinking. And the peasants rejoiced.

Vice President Dick Cheney, who has no personal political asperations of his own (and really, why should he? The Devil has provided him with more than enough cash to live in the lap of luxury), has criss crossed the country, telling voters that if Kerry is elected, dire things will occur, including horrible Bennifer movies.

Yes, that's right folks. Only under President Kerry will we have to endure Gigli II. Only President Bush is a strong enough leader to prevent this kind of catastrophe. I mean, Ben Afflick has already been touring, I mean, campaigning with the Kerry people! Clearly, President Kerry would be indebted to Ben and would not be able to prevent such calamity.

I asked for serious reasons to vote for Bush that have nothing to do with God Voting. I found one via Andrew Sullivan. This would be another.

(Hat Tip: The Whitley)

An 85 year old man decided to make voting his last conscious act before he died. I cried. Seriously. This is a sweet story, but do not read it in a public place if you are like The Whitley and tear up easily.

God Bless Democracy. Voting Does Make a Difference.

(Hat tip: Joel)

NPR told me this morning that a majority of Americans don't think we'll know who the President of 2005 will be on Nov 3. I'd have to say that I definitely fall into that category. But here is something to think about. What if the election gets thrown into the House and it turns into the kind of Goat Rodeo only previously seen in the California Recall Election of 2003? For the answer, read the article. I say, Political Scientists everywhere get smashingly drunk and Votergasm until Inaguration Day.

(Hat Tip: Charlie)

From the Washington Post, via Wonkette, via the rescued Washingtonienne blog, an article that has befuddled me. I'm torn between "Hmm...spreadsheet, like the one I use to track my resumes" and "Holy Shit. Never Will I Ever." and "Tounge ring?"

Do I kiss and tell? Abso-fucking-lutely (pun intended), though significantly after the fact. And then only when it's relevent.

Conclusion: The Score Sheet, if kept at all, will not be on this blog. My mother and my [now former-whoopee!] boss have this address. They don't check it regularly, but still. It's like Away Messages. The one time they check it is when I've put up the Jimmy Buffet Away Message: Gone to Get Drunk and Screw. In other words, Bad Plan.

Hi Mom.

There appeared in my Inbox today an invitation to apply for a job as a funeral planner. The email also told me that the job offered "great health benefits." I've decided to pass...

Yet once more, The Slant proves why they rock, this time by having Dawid Przybyszewski threatening to "eat" John Kerry.

Oh the Slant! I miss you so!

For all you voters out there (all of you, right?), make sure to read yourElection Day Guide from the Onion. Highlights:

-Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you.

-When voting, you don't need to dress up in a scary costume or hand out candy. That happens two days earlier.

-You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik." (India's note: Extra points for all who actually get this one)

-The most important thing is to vote your conscience.

-Okay, this is your conscience speaking: "Vote Nader. Vo-o-o-o-ote Nader."(India's Note: This Is Only If Your Conscience On Drugs.)

-If you live in Florida, for Christ's sake, look at the ballot very, very carefully this time.

-Keep in mind that the name of every person who votes against George Bush is going to be read aloud on television the next time we're attacked by terrorists.

-If you don't know where the polling place is in your district, just try to remember the ugliest, dingiest, most depressing building in a three-mile radius. That's probably it.

I am so excited about voting on the actual election day. I'm going to wear my sticker proudly.

I read the following blurb on Andrew Sullivan just now:

"I just think that if you're responsible for this kind of a big policy failure, you ought to be held accountable for it." - Francis Fukuyama, on why he's not voting for Bush.

Fukuyama was one of the oft quoted philosophers during my tenure on the Vandy debate squad. Though I can no longer remember what he was used for, the use of his name gives me mental spasms.

Far be it for me to claim any kind of warm and fuzzy feeling this morning that has anything to do with baseball though I was rooting for Boston, I did watch the last two games, and I do love reading stuff like this.

My warm and fuzzy feeling comes from what I heard on the radio this morning. John Kerry told a crowd in some swing state, Red Sox cap on his head (loosely paraphrased) "There was a caller to a radio station sometime last year when my campaign wasn't doing so well, and this caller said 'John Kerry won't be President of the United States until the Red Sox win the World Series!'[Crowd goes wild with applause]"

Touche.

The idea of vote pairing has always struck me as a bit odd. Granted, I agree with the concept, that forward progress should not be stunted to make a point, but still, the idea of trading votes gives me the heebeejeebeeies. Though not as much as the idea of getting underwear from Michael Moore in exchange for my vote.

Of course it's legal, blah, blah, but is it a good idea? My jury is still out.

Holy shit. When Wonkette posted this picture, I figured it had been photoshop'd. Apparently, not. The Washington Post says that the Texans for Truth found this video from back when Bush was Governor. Available in Salon (I think I'm really going to have to start reading Salon more regularly) and as a download.

Wow...

From Dan Froomkin's White House Briefing:

Eminem Watch

Geoff Boucher writes in the Los Angeles Times: "Rapper Eminem, who made headlines with the gleefully profane alias Slim Shady, has taken his deepest plunge yet into the political world with 'Mosh,' a new song that, along with its music video, slams President Bush and calls on young America to mobilize against the administration."

The video, available at MTV.com, where it is already No. 1, starts with Eminem, in a suit, reading "My Pet Goat" to a classroom full of children.

Then it gets really nasty. For example: "Let the President answer on high anarchy/ Strap him with an AK-47, let him go/ Fight his own war, let him impress daddy that way/ No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our soil."

Goal of the Day: Watch that Later.

So I haven't posted much in the past couple of days (which I will over-compensate for by a plethora of posts today) because I haven't been at work. Yes, the shit job in California is no more. Next Thursday, I move out. Hurray!

But that does require preparation, so I've been taking care of business the last couple of days. Like going to the Apple store.

I love Apple products. Part of it is that I've grown up with Macintosh computers in my house, so I have no use for that right click button - I mention this because it seems to be the main argument against Macs. And I just don't understand it. Plus, customer support at Apple is the best I have ever experienced. In the Apple stores, they call it the "Genius Bar." It's actually a bar-like area in the back of the store (no liquor) where really competent people help you out. And, more than that, they listen to your woes without making you feel like SNL's Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy. And, most importantly, they actually fix it so that your problem won't happen again. They always update all of my stuff and fix everything so that it all works together and make it all awesome. I walk out of the store feeling warm and glowy.

Windows people just don't understand. And I feel sad for you.

As a Gore supporter, I formed an intense dislike of Katherine Harris, Florida Chair of the Bush Campaign in 2000 and Florida Sec. of State in charge of awarding Florida's electoral votes. Conflict of Interest? What Conflict of Interest?

So when I read about her being "almost" hit by a car, my first thought was that old standard joke:

A truck driver in Florida really dislikes [insert reprehensible catagory of people here. Sometimes I use UT fans. In this case, I'm using 2000 Bush supporters]. So every time he sees one on the road, he runs them over.

One day, he's driving along and he sees a priest [or other holy person of your choice] with his thumb out hitchhiking. Being a nice truck driver (other than the running people over thing), he stops to give the priest a ride.

So they are driving along, when all of a sudden, they see Katherine Harris crossing the street. The truck driver's insticts kick in and he starts to aim for her. At the last minute, he swerves, aghast, remembering that there is a priest in the truck!

"Oh my gosh, Father," says the truck driver. "I'm so sorry! I almost ran over Katherine Harris!"

"That's okay, my son," says the priest. "I got her with the door."

Of course, my dislike of Katherine Harris was magnified when someone signed me up for her mailing list. They would not let me unsubscribe, and so for four years, I got emails about how the evil Democrats in Florida are targeting poor little Katherine Harris. The worst part is, I figured I'd be free once my Vandy mail account died, but apparently she found me and my alumni address. Damn her and her fucking emails.

Confidential to JAH: Lies make Baby Jesus cry. You aren't sorry...

Watch This.

Though it is more pro-Bush than is my taste, but what can you do? And even I thought it was funny, though I did want to see them in the car a la Dana Carvey and Mike Meyers.

(Hat Tip: Andrew Sullivan)

If you don't read Andrew Sullivan, you should. But in case you don't, I'm shamelessly lifting an entry of his that made me laugh out loud. As you may or may not have heard, some archelogoists have claimed they found the toilet where Martin Luther pondered his famous theses (thesises? thesiss?). I did not know that Martin Luther was supposed to have figured that something was wrong with the Church on the toilet, but then, as I am techincally not Christian, my theological education is perhaps a bit lacking (understatement.) And I thought it was funny that anyone was even looking for a toilet. But wait! There's more to this joke yet:

Having mis-spent my youth in grad school studying late medieval and early modern European intellectual history, I can now -- 20 years after leaving academia -- shed some valuable light for you and your readers (as well as for the BBC News).

When Luther said he made his discovery "in cloaca" (literally translated "on the toilet"), he was using one of a long list of late medieval theological-scatological phrases that meant 'in deepest humility' or in a state of profound "worthlessness" (i.e., like shit).

So when Luther described arriving at his big theological conclusion "in cloaca", he (like hundreds of other theologians of the time) was not making a literal reference to his bathroom routine.

If this sounds strange strange today, it shouldn't. The English language still uses lots of scat lingo (e.g., "up shit creek without a paddle") to express extreme emotions or for emphasis. ("No shit!", you might say).

So once again, on major matters of import, the BBC News doesn't know "shit from Shinola" or its "ass from a hole in the ground."

Oh, those crazy Brits! (India's tip: it's also funnier if you read it aloud in your best British accent. Especially if I am in the room.)

With little more than a week left until the election, I have read easily a dozen endorsements of John Kerry. It might be that the things that I read are mostly liberal, libertarian or progressive (i.e. wildly opposed to Bush, even if not the Republican party as a whole), but I have yet to see an endoresement of George W. Bush.

I would actually like to read one, provided that it is written by an academic or journalist, uses factually verifiable information, and does not imply (explicitly or otherwise) that God Votes Republican. I know that I have friends who will be voting for Bush, though fewer than I once thought (Michael Gleason, I'm still flabergasted.) and I know there has to be a reasonable explaination for that vote. I just haven't seen it, and I doubt I'll be able to come up with it myself.

The arguements I hear on the stump and from the official White House reports don't make sense to me, though I realize that must resonate with some people or we wouldn't be at a statistical tie. "Vote for Bush or terrorists will blow us up" doesn't work for me, and I'm pro-choice, pro-equality in marriage (aka civil rights), and pro-stem cell research, so the social issues thing won't cut it for me either. The rest of the world is clearly anti-Bush, and while I do not think that we should allow the world to dictate who our leaders are (leaving aside the fact that we invaded a soverign country for this reason), it's good to have allies. (Don't forget Poland!) Fiscal conservatives should by definition be against Bush, and now I'm out of ideas.

What am I not thinking of? Why are rational people going to vote for Bush?

"Team America, World Police" is an awesome, awesome movie. Go see it. It's $10 well spent.

Voting is Awesome. Even if you know that you are canceling out your spouse's vote.

I am so looking forward to voting. I might do it early just because I'm so excited...and because I think I'm going to Arizona to harass Arizonians into voting for Kerry. And I want that sticker.

Go Dores.

BY Howie Kurtz, ABOUT Jon Stewart, QUOTING Ana Marie Cox (aka Wonkette)...Huzzah!

"To say his is just a comedy show is a cop-out in a way. He's gotten so much power. So many people look to him that you can't really be the kid in the back throwing spitballs."

...

"Even I'm sick of us," says Ben Karlin, the show's executive producer. But "the media beast must be fed," he added, amused that the show is being hyped by the "pack journalism" it regularly ridicules.

In short, Jon Stewart is that really smart boy who sat in the back of the room and mocked everything, but no one could get mad at him because he was funny and knew all the right answers. And young people like him.

News is awesome.

Sometimes, my horoscope gets lucky and is actually relevant:

The time is right to begin solidifying your plans. You don't have to know all of the exact details, but gathering the pertinent information and putting it in one place is a good way to start. If you aren't the most organized person, you might want to think about hiring a professional to help you decipher the data you're looking at. Travel agents, CPAs and attorneys can all be of great help to you. When asking for help, however, it's important that you avoid being judgmental or stubborn. Keeping an open mind provides you with the benefit of a different perspective that you need in order to accomplish your goals.

TNR officially endorsed Senator John Kerry for President today. It's not a surprising move, since it seems that this particualr publication has been wary of many of the tactics by Bush & Co. It is a beautiful piece of prose, and it nicely outlines some of the best reasons to cast a vote for John Kerry.

I had previously thought of TNR as a more conservative publication, but they supported Walter Mondale in 1984, which I still find odd. And Minnesota might vote for Bush this year (though NPR's Sister Publication Slate Magazine On-line - Happy, Charlie? - has MN as "Kerry Likely").

Historical Side Note (a.k.a. why the above was not an ass-statement): Walter Fitzpatrick Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro, "affectionately" known as Fritz and Tits, were the Democratic Candidates for the Executive Branch in 1984 when Reagan was campaigning for his second term in office. To say that they lost is perhaps an understatement: Reagan won every state but Minnesota and their measly 10 electoral votes.

From Wonkette, as she "quotes" MSNBC:

Paul Begala, CNN: Claims Astros fandom but can't name their second baseman; Imus calls him a phony. Imus asks what happened with Jon Stewart. "Were you even on that day?" Begala complains that Stewart had no specifics and then got into it with Tucker, so how was he supposed to respond? "He's a little full of himself," says Begala. Also, notes Begala, Jon Stewart's a kettle, and is black.

The Onion sometimes gets scarily close to the actual truth for a magazine supposedly based in satire (not unlike the Daily Show). But I was under the distinct impression that the Slate, the online and written sister of NPR, was supposed to be about real news. So, while I am greatly amused by the tale of the scientist who created Frankenbush, I'm also a little freaked.

Related: Someone needs to be Frankenbush for Halloween. And then go to a swing state and spout dire warnings about terrorism. (And for the record, I did attempt to work in the sad fact that Kerry sort of resembles the classic image of Frankenstein, but I just couldn't manage it. "Frankenkerry" had too many syllables, for starters, and then I just lost it. Were this 2000, I'd have Frankenbush v. RoboGore, the robot sent back from the 26th century, or whatever, to save us from our impending doom. But we're in 2004, and I'm not witty today.)

You know that bumper sticker, "As Long As There Are Finals, There Will Always Be Prayer In School"?

This is sort of like that, only with elections.

I am very excited I get to vote in an actual polling place this time. I wish there would be a lever to pull, but I don't think California is that cool anymore. But I will get a sticker! And I have registered with the Dems to help harass people to go vote. I figure I am good at this. (And I've heard rumors that they're sending some CA people to Arizona to harass those people in a swing state! Yay for random travel!) Because, you know, even in states where the presidential vote is fairly set, there are local things to vote for, not to mention state initiatives. There is never an excuse not [to attempt] to vote. Plus, you get a sticker, and the warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing that you are helping to make democracy work. (Especially if you vote for John Kerry, I mean, what?)

Three Cheers for Voting!

I'm watching a new reality show on TBS called "He's A Lady". They took 11 "manly" men, flew them to LA, told them they'd be competing in a reality show called "The All-American Man". And then made them wax their legs. Seriously, watching them go through the waxing made the show worth it. (Random aside: I now appreciate not having to wax nose hair.)

Then we watched them walk in heels and skirts and try to be sexy. I loved it. And I can't believe I'm watching this.

Verdict: This should be a CPLE course. And there are at least three of my male friends I would throw down to see go through this process.

A Few Nuggets of Advice from this week's Savage Love. On Cheating:

Oh, you may think about death every once in a while, and you may consciously avoid doing dumb things that might hasten your death (smoking, shooting heroin, voting for Ralph Nader), but most of the time you live in pure, unalloyed, comforting denial about your certain demise.

Why not take the same approach to cheating? Like death, it's gonna happen to you sooner or later. You can do your best to avoid it by, say, getting to know guys well before you make a commitment, refusing to date guys you know have cheated on other women, and refusing to date Nader supporters. (They're notorious cheaters.)

On Internet Dating:

Get some better, more flattering pictures, ones that make you look less like a Nader voter who's just been hit on the head with a brick.

The Master has spoken. Nader voters are ugly cheaters. (Unless they live in Alabama. The rules that govern the rest of the country cease to exist in Alabama.)

Why? Why, John Kerry, Why? If you make it this easy, it's not fun.

Okay, so it is still fun. But it isn't AS fun.

Apparently, the MSM (Mainstream Media, for the non-pot-smoking, pants wearing crowd) has decided to latch on to the Jon Stewart v. Crossfire thing like they did the Dan Rather thing - only this is way more intersting than the plausibility of raised "th"s ever were. Which is why you can almost hear the columnists giggling as they type this story. (Read this story - they include the part when last year, the Daily Show awared Robert Novak the "Congressional Medal of Douche Bag" for outing Valerie Plum. I remember that, I laughed my ass off, as I have long disliked Robert Novak myself.)

But again, the MSM misses the main message, which in this case, is that partisan yelling does not promote democracy, and instead they focus on how Jon called Tucker Carlson a dick (random aside: I'm not against thoughtful debate, that would be totally out of character and stupid. I'm against debate without thought and does not promote understanding. That's just a waste of time.)

And it's true, he did call Tucker a dick, but it was almost lost in the actual exchange (Watch it, if you haven't. I've seen it three times already. It really is awesome.), and it's not even the best part. The best part is when he tells them that they are hurting democracy. (Or when they complain that he's not being funny, and Jon Stewart says, "I'm not your monkey." I expect the usage of that phrase to become common. "Get me a beer." "I'm not your monkey!") The Slate says that the Daily Show might lose/has lost viewers over this issue. I seriously doubt it. It was ballsy, but brazenly brilliant - in other words, the kind of the thing that we have come to expect from the Daily Show. Only this time, instead of the box next to his head, Jon Stewart talked to the actual people involved. And made him the coolest "news" guy ever.

Message to the Establishment: It is a bad idea to give humor publications and TV shows awards. They will use it as leverage to mock you, and the peasants will rejoice.

It's kind of like how the Slant put a picture of Gee with boobs on the cover after they got VSC funding. The peasants rejoiced then, too.

It might have taken me a while to get there, but at long last, I have arrived. I am a Jon Stewart groupie, and I bask in the brilliance that is the Daily Show, yes, even the random investigative reporting sketches where they ask weird questions of crazy people. But I still like the part at the beginning best. Unless they're interviewing someone who thinks that showing gay penguins to our children is the devil. You just can't make that stuff up.

Not only did Mr. Stewart mention that he called Tucker Carlson a dick, he called him a dick AGAIN, called the other three Yelling Heads dicks, and then he further elaborated on why "Crossfire" blows. (And even I think it blows. They never really come up with anything new, they just shout the party line at each other in short media segments. Not interesting, though I love Jimmy Carville. But he is sort of a media whore.) And I still can't believe that Jon Stewart had the balls to go on a show and tell them it sucks, and that they are hurting America. Totally awesome. Jon Stewart rocks. May he make tons of money and never leave cable TV.

So, I'm supposed to be doing background checks on all the employees at work today, but the police folks haven't emailed me the necessary information to get started, so I'm left to make my own fun.

So I decided to play around with my site meter thing, and I have discovered that some pool soul found my blog after Googling "Is Karl Rove Married." I am absolutely thrilled.

And naturally, I promptly google'd the same thing. I found plenty of things talking about Rove and Valerie Plume, the CIA undercover agent that "accidently" got revealed to Robert Novak, who then published it in his weekly column. Finally, after 9 pages, I found this, which is the most I could find about his family. Alas, I never found my own blog in that particular search, so I have no idea how that happened.

UPDATE: When you put "" around "Is Karl Rove Married" my blog is the ONLY one you'll find. I'm awesome.

In honor of the 30th Anniversary of Dungeons and Dragons, I am posting a personal ad I found on craigslist.org. I like to read the ridiculousness that some people are searching for (and I am truly stunned by the number of men who are open about wanting women to be their bitches and are suprised when no one answers their ad. News Flash: Smart, witty and attractive women, at least the ones that I know, tend to get pissed off when someone tries to make them their bitch. Anyway). This guy reminds me of the Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons.

Below is the unedited personal as it originally appeared. In my opinion, there's a reason he hasn't found his...whatever... yet. But I wish him happy hunting. 

Level 13/16 Rogue-Mage seeks Level 12 Sorceress, Bard, or Equivalent - 23
 
First off, my title is AWESOME. If you don’t think it’s at least mildly humorous, then I’m probably not the ideal candidate for you.

In case you couldn’t guess it, I’m a little geeky. You might not guess that if you saw me from a distance, but as you hear the references I make to Family Guy and Star Wars, or watch me pretend to be a pirate with a wooden sword and a bandana, you’ll have to bet I’m a either a real big dork or a person with the maturity of a 7 year-old. I suppose, in most instances, a little of both are true.

I’m a cute guy, and I clean up pretty well. I certainly wouldn’t call myself “metrosexual” by any stretch of the imagination, but I do bathe regularly and keep myself relatively well groomed. I don’t live in my parents’ basement and I do things on a Friday other than sit at home and watch Star Trek reruns. In fact, I’ve been known to watch Stargate reruns instead! Also, I can be rather sarcastic at times. I’m white, blonde hair, blue eyes, 5’9-ish, slim build. I love drinking at the bar or sitting at home playing video games or watching movies. Oh, also, I have a job that pays the bills and isn’t something like “video store clerk” or “employee at Eddie Bauer.”

You? Here are your requirements.

A similar race is preferred, though some deviations seem acceptable. Elves and Halflings (Kender, preferably) are acceptable, though Dwarves, Orcs, and Ogres need not apply. Not really looking for a paladin, but at the same time, I don’t have a lot of use for necromancers. A bard is ideal, but I would settle for a ranger or sorceress. You should be similar in age to me, but if you’re an Elf or Halfling, age differences are understandable. Proficiency in light armor is preferred, but not required. At least 3 ranks in Bluff, Diplomacy, and Listen. Ideal candidates also have ranks in Swim, Survival, and Knowledge (any). Extra consideration will be given to candidates who have any of the following feats: Agile, Animal Affinity, Self-Sufficient, or Toughness.

Level requirements will be strictly adhered to. Your pic gets mine. Those whose pictures show them in full battle regalia are preferred.

I personally think the best part is when he assures us that he bathes...because that actually is necessary in this situation.

And I do not intend to be mean by saying that, it's just true. One of the formally written rules of the Vanderbilt Debate Squad is that you must bathe on a regular basis. It's there because it's necessary. Other teams clearly do not have this rule, but we at Vanderbilt adhere to standards of basic higene. We are a country club, after all.

I also like that you get bonus points for agility, mostly because "agile" has now joined the ranks of "fulfilled" of words with dirty connotations.

(Hat tip on the D&D Anniversary: Joel. [insert joke about why Joel knows about this here])

As previously mentioned, I countered my admiration for the new Eminem song (which I still think is good, I'm still almost ashamed) by purchasing the Flickerstick CD. It came yesterday, and the peasants rejoiced. So I watched the Eminem video on TV the night before (it's actually better without the random pauses, I've found) and then played the Flickerstick CD on loop non-stop yesterday.

I really should have shelled out for this CD sooner, but I was just cheap. They are way talented, and I commend the Rites committee for bringing them to Vanderbilt last year. Go Dores.

Oh my goodness, I am so excited. TNR has an article that not only is anti-Nader, they also talk about the crazy Third Parties who disrupt his event! SO EXCITED! Money Quote:

One young LYM member stuffs a piece of paper in my hand--a "report" titled "LaRouche Youth Expose Naderites as Fascists"--and explains that LaRouche has endorsed John Kerry. His cultlike followers, who were omnipresent during the Democratic primaries, regularly disrupting public events, have now devoted themselves to making sure Nader doesn't tilt the election to Bush. Granted, the LaRouchies are crazy and argue that "the Nader operation is a left-synarchist fascist operation in support of the very same genocidal program as the Cheney-Bush regime," but they also explain to impressionable young voters at Nader events that it is a "lie that there is no difference between Kerry and Bush." As scary as it may be, on the Nader campaign trail, the LaRouchies are the voice of reason.

*I skipped some stuff for spacial reasons*

A young man, concerned about a reinstatement of the draft, asks Nader if he doesn't think it's imperative that Bush be defeated. "It seems like Kerry is the one who won't get my ass blown up," he says. Later, another student tells Nader at a book signing, "I would support you, but you took money from the Republicans." By the time the LaRouchies disrupt the event--with hecklers shouting "you're lying!" and two kids wearing giant Bush and Cheney masks screaming "Vote for Nader"--it seems a good portion of the audience is on their side.

AND this article mentions the Peace and Freedom Party of California. SO EXCITED!

I love it when I read things that I have already said in an established and respected news source. I am going to print this article out and put it on my wall.

Full Disclosure: When we were going on our cruise to Alaska, the boat left from a dock in Portland. In the Portland airport, there was a man in a LaRouche booth trying to get supporters and money. I took a picture with him because of an article my friend Charlie had written when he worked for the Crimson White in Tuscaloosa. I noticed/liked at the time that LaRouche was both for himself and for Kerry, i.e. anti-Bush. I didn't realize he was also anti-Nader. I would have talked to him more were that the case. So excited. And I just can't hide it.

I would like to throw my two cents into the Mary Cheney debate.

Why are we so upset about this? Now, I admit that I was stunned when Kerry uttered the L word, but more because he had the balls to say it than because I think it's a bad thing to say (if that makes sense.) It's not like Cheney had a black daughter and Kerry used the N word (Total tangential aside: does anyone else remember all that nasty stuff the Bush 2000 primary campaign said about McCain's black daughter? The McCains had adopted her, but the Bush people started a whisper campaign about his "love child" after McCain won New Hampshire by a landslide.) "Lesbian" is not a bad word, though I've noticed that some people like to say it in a whisper. Kind of like "penis" when you're 12. Or 22, depending on who you are . And that's why I was surprised that Kerry skipped all that crap and came right out and said what he did. I thought it was awesome, but I was still surprised that he thought it was a good idea.

So what, exactly, is the issue? Kerry didn't call her a bad name. It wasn't a gratuitous reference, it was in response to a question on DOMA. (Another tangential aside: I am henceforth refusing to use the phrase "Gay Marriage." I don't think civil union between a same sex couple should be any different than a civil union between a different sex couple, and thus, we should not use different words to describe them. If I must differentiate, I will refer to it as "Civil Marriage." That way, we can include all things, like interracial marriage in Alabama. Stupid Alabama...) Politicians like to use real people to put a face on the issue they are talking about. Kerry picked Mary Cheney, which is totally fair since as the liaison to the gay community both for Coors Brewing company and her father's campaign and she is both completely out of the closet and in the political arena. Kerry wasn't even pandering, he says he doesn't think that Mary should be able to get "married" to her partner...but she can have some basic rights afforded to married couples. This wasn't even the first time that she's been mentioned. Cheney mentions her. She was mentioned in the Veep debate, and no one had a fit. So what gives?

The argument that Kerry was talking to the religious folks is to get them to not vote for Bush because of Cheney has a lesbian daughter is crazy. I think that Kerry just picked someone that people know and can sympathize with. And I really don't understand why supposedly liberal people are having a fit, saying that Kerry was pandering to bigotry. I don't get it, and I hope it backfires for the Bush team.

I would like to hear from Mary Cheney. I would like to hear her either condemn Kerry (And then we can watch the monkeys fly out of her ass) or tell her Daddy and the President that this wasn't a big deal. As long as we don't hear from her, I think we have to assume that her Daddy told her to shut her trap, which really disgusts me. Elizabeth Edwards (how I love this woman) told ABC News Radio that Lynne Cheney's response had made her sad. Money quote:

"It indicates a certain degree of shame with respect to her daughter's sexual preferences that I'm certain makes her daughter uncomfortable."

I completely agree. (Yet another semi-related aside: after the Veep debate when the wives went up on stage to hug their candidates, as Elizabeth Edwards was shaking Dick Cheney's hand, she said, "You first met him at the prayer breakfast." BEFORE the campaigns found the picture, BEFORE the spin rooms, BEFORE anyone had time to look anything up, she knew. This woman is awesome.) And, in a way, I feel bad for Mary Cheney, and even worse for Mary's partner.

And thus, the L word of the evening was not "liberal" or "liar" but "lesbian." Who knew? Politics is awesome.

// posted by IRMcK @ 1:27 PM 0 comments

From the NY Times, found in Media Notes:

"With less than three weeks before the election, Ralph Nader is emerging as just the threat that Democrats feared, with a potential to tip the balance in up to nine states where President Bush and Senator John Kerry are running neck and neck.

"Despite a concerted effort by Democrats to derail his independent candidacy, as well as his being struck off the Pennsylvania ballot on Wednesday, Mr. Nader will be on the ballots in more than 30 states.

"Polls show that he could influence the outcomes in nine by drawing support from Mr. Kerry. They are Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Maine, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico and Wisconsin."

Why Nader? Why can't you see the bigger picture? Do you like Bush? Do you think he deserves to win? What do you expect to gain out of this? No one likes you. Go home and stay there. And by all means, keep your pants zipped because if any kind of sexual scandal breaks out, the media will have a field day. It will be more fun than Bill o'Reilly.

Idea...

I'll have to say that I do appreciate Kerry telling Bush that his numbers are useless during all the debates, because one of my biggest bitches in life/politics/my major is that people rely on numbers in weird ways. See, people like numbers because numbers are objective. Fine. I'll give you that. But, like word problems, numbers are useless without interpretation. Best example ever: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - you must read this if you have not. It's like the Big Lebowski Meets Star Wars of books. I'm really surprised we haven't made this a movie yet, but at the same time I'm glad because a movie would be hard pressed to live up to the brilliance of this book.

But back to the point. The HGTTG answers the meaning of life, and it is 42. See? It's a number, it's objective, and it means jack shit. The book goes onto talk about what we really need is the question, but I have always disagreed. What we need is the paragraph that goes after the number, but see, that's the tricky part.

This is why I hate statistics (that and I'm bad at it, but could that be because I think it's useless? You decide.) As far as I can see, the only reason to study statistics is to figure out how to manipulate them, and I'm just not interested. I prefer to focus on how tone and appearance changes perceptions of What Is and What Is Not. Example: Survey of People Who Voted For Kerry Because Of Bush's Disgusting Spit Wad v. Exit Polls.

So I liked that Kerry told Bush his numbers were stupid, but Kerry used too many numbers himself. They. Don't. Prove. Anything. 42. And I'm definitely not the only one that glazes over when politicans start the Duel of Numbers (paging Zell Miller), so we all do ourselves a favor by just stopping.

For an extremely witty demonstration of the uselessness of statistics, I point you toIron Monkey. I have no idea who this kid is, but I'm seriously tempted to print this out and keep it in my desk forevermore. 38% of people agree with me, up from 20% last year.

From Dan Froomkin's WH Briefing:

Jeff Zeleny and Rick Pearson write in the Chicago Tribune: "As Bush spoke, television screens showed a bubble of saliva on the right side of his mouth, which some Republican advisers feared was a distraction to viewers."

James Bennet writes in the New York Times that Bush's "smile was askew for about half the debate, marred by a glistening light dot at the right corner of his mouth. Viewers could be forgiven for losing track of his answers and imagining Laura Bush in the front row in frantic semaphore, wiping furiously at the corner of her own mouth."

Distraction? I'll say. I already felt like ass yesterday; I was trying to eat something last night during the debate, and all I could focus on was that bit of nasty in the corner of Bush's mouth. I had to leave the room a couple of times to prevent my dinner from going the wrong direction.

I recall in the pre-debate 36 page memo, the Kerry campaign's request to have a frigid room was denied. The Bush campaign was sort of chortling over this development because, apparently, Kerry has a sweating problem, and women don't like to watch people sweat. (Single women are one of the swing demographics that both parties are fighting tooth and nail over. As a single woman, I'll have to say that I like being fought over. I should move to Ohio or Pennsylvania, and then it would really be awesome.) News flash for the Bush people: Single women also don't like men who embarrass them in public.

Sort of related: Is Karl Rove married? If he is not, how is he supposed to have a clue as to what single women want? Either way, I sort of think he's a closet case.

UPDATE: From an article from Noam Scheiber on TNR (I think you can read this one for free if you register. It's actually quite good):

Another thing that never happened: Bush never wiped the spittle off of the right corner of his mouth. If it distracted me--I actually care about what the candidates are saying--I don't see how it didn't distract the rest of the country.

I concur totally.

If you live in Nashville, and you should Buy This For Me.

I love Nashville. Best City Ever. Any they might be acting silly, but hey, not as silly as Alabama.

(Hat Tip: Jay Williams)

I was born in Florida, and I lived there for 10 years. My family is all from Alabama, and most of my extended family still lives there. My immediate family currently lives in California, and that is where I vote. But when I tell people where I'm "from," I usually say "Alabama" for sociological reasons. But I might change my mind.

See, the Alabama Constitution is stupid. Only in 2000 did we decide to amend it to recognize interracial marriage (and it only passed by 60%.) Roy Moore (not related to Michael, that I know of), that Judge who chained himself to a large stone replica of the 10 Commandments, is from Alabama. And he is now telling the people of Alabama to vote AGAINST a proposal to strike language from the Alabama Constitution that would get rid of the last vestiges of the Jim Crow laws because it's a trick to allow the government to raise taxes. That's not why I'm debating abandoning my state affiliation. It's that I'm afraid it will fail. Everyone knows that taxes are bad, and you should vote against them. Money quote:

Gabriel J. Chin, a University of Arizona law professor who helped write a recent study on Jim Crow laws, said many Southern states besides Alabama still have unenforceable segregation-era laws on the books, and referendums on erasing them are not always a sure thing.

"Some people still support segregation. They won't say it in public, but they will say it in the voting place," he said.

ALABAMA. GET WITH THE PROGRAM. THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR RELIGION. BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT THE DEVIL. THIS IS WHY THE REST OF THE COUNTRY THINKS YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS! STOP IT!!

(Hat Tip: Jay Williams)

Granted, it was a debate on domestic policy, so it would be more difficult to talk about Poland, but still. We did talk about a "global test" and we did not talk about Poland.

Clearly, this was the most boring of all three debates. Both sides bored me. Bush didn't offer me wood or anything, though he did have that annoying spittle for way too long. (Incidently, that brings back memories of my very first debate. We were in Cornell, and Jay and I were both scared shitless. Well, to be fair, I was scared shitless; but Jay was definitely a little green around the gills. But one of the guys on the other team had a spittle problem, which was really quite disgusting. Two important things were established in that round - we realized that we could actually do quite well in debate, and I began the habit of making snarky comments about the other team on scap paper that Jay would tear into tiny pieces and throw away. Good times.)

And for the record, much as I love politics, I really do not care how many times John Kerry did or did not vote to raise my taxes. I do care that John Kerry still sounds like he knows what he's talking about, whereas Bush sort of looks confused. And I really hate his laugh. Heh.

FOUR MORE WEEKS!!!

Speaking of ass, I feel like ass. And not like, hey, I feel like getting some ass! I feel like ass. In the bad way. Like someone has been sending me bad ju-ju. I'm going to leave work an hour early, I think. I can't function like this - I pity the other drivers on the road...

I'm thinking of investing in hats. I plan on wearing lots of hats after I get to be an old lady, but I'm sort of bored and figured I might get started early.

Hey Everyone! The Bible is now out on DVD! Because who can be bothered to read the Book when you can just buy the Movie?

Oh, and you can also get the Nude Yoga & Tai Chi for only $12.69! You can be the hit of every Bad Santa Gift Exchange!

So, a while back, I bought a guitar for a penny on eBay. I figured guitar was easier than Spanish as a summertime occupation of my free time. But I have run into some problems.

First of all, I have short fingers. It's difficult to reach all the strings on the fretboard without accidentally touching other strings. I'm working on it, as the short fingers haven't stopped me before, they just present a lovely obstacle.

A bigger problem is some of these fingerings. Example: I'm trying to play a Bm chord, and the chart I'm using has me mash down all 6 strings in different places. I do not have 6 fingers. I sort of figured out how to mash 3 strings with one finger, but then the other three strings still have to get mashed and the stubs won't reach. Clearly I am not the only short fingered person to ever attempt this instrument, so there is a solution to be found. Transposing is also an option, I suppose, but avoiding chords doesn't seem like the way to go.

I wish there was a way I could work on this while at work, but that would be sort of difficult.

Alas, tonight is the last of the three debates. I'm a little afraid for my boy John. Bush is likely to be on drugs again (still the only real explanation as to why he was leaping around the room in the last debate and yelling like Howard Dean), only he's sort of desperate now, since at the very least, Kerry has pulled even. From all accounts, the talking heads seem to believe that Bush is going to start the "liberal" finger pointing game, which is sort of interesting. From TNR:

Tonight, Kerry could render the "liberal" attack impotent if he were to prepare a similar in-your-face reply to Bush on spending and deficits. Rather than try to prove that Bush isn't a compassionate conservative, Kerry could simply remind voters what Bush is: a free-spending, deficit-raising, big-government president. Or, according to the GOP definition, a liberal.

But, I think the talking heads miss the point. Bush is NOT a liberal when it comes to things like abortion, or stem cells, or pretty much any issue where the Christian Coalition has a cohesive opinion. And I have a feeling that will be part of the debate tonight, since those are just as important to "domestic" policy as is the economy.

I want to hear Bush call Kerry a baby-killer. I have been praying that someone has given Kerry a decent 10 word answer (yeah West Wing!) that does not involve the sentence "I was an altar boy." I want to talk about guns. I want to talk about immigration. I want to talk about Baby Boomers. I want to talk about free trade.

And I want to hear a public version of why it matters that Bush would appoint a Supreme Court justice that is against the Dred Scott decision (Cliff Notes explanation: Dred Scott is Newspeak for Roe v Wade, i.e. you can't reduce a black person/unborn fetus to non-person status and a) own them or b) kill them at will without punishment. At first I was skeptical, but the more I think about it, the more I am convinced this is what the President meant, and it scares the crap out of me.) I want Kerry to be able to explain this so that everyone in Ohio understands it.

Most of all, I want Kerry to call Bush the "L" word - and I'd settle for either "liberal" or "liar." Bush wins the Beer Poll (Which candidate would you rather meet for a beer after work?) and clearly, no one cares. I want Kerry to come out swinging and hit a home run. This is it. There is no next time.

In other words, go Sox. I'm rooting for Boston tonight, whether I'm looking at Fox (not likely) or NBC.

God Bless Capitalism

How do things like that get invented? Who thinks that is a good idea? Who invested in that?

Why am I tempted to buy them and pass them around as presents?

Courtesy of The Onion:

Did I mention... the tax cut? John Kerry and I support a nice, big, fat, fucking tax cut for you, because let's face it, nothing good can ever come from taxes. They're a big pain in the ass! We'll do fine without 'em! There! I'm feeling so cheery, I wouldn't be surprised if a friggin' unicorn stepped out on stage and started humpin' my leg!

I do not understand the deal with the Unicorns in this election. Clearly, they are against Bush and for John-John, but why?

Why Dan Savage Rocks My Socks:

If I were a woman with a hot body, and I was given a choice between virginity and sleeping with guys who believe that women with hot bodies are obligated to sleep with them, I might choose virginity, too.

I do not always agree with Mr. Savage, but those moments are few and far between. And by being a devoted weekly reader of all things Savage, I have learned more about weird sexual kinky shit than I ever knew existed. Like "Furries".

Best part of the site: Got problems? Oh yes you do. Write to mail@savagelove.net

So, I'm in the car on the way to work this morning, and Bob Dylan is on NPR. I really have no idea if they were talking about songs or if Bob Dylan has joined the Dixie Chicks and the Boss in political activism because I cannot listen to Bob Dylan speak without laughing.

You see, my friend Jay Williams does a fabulous impression of Bob Dylan. And my favorite part of his impression is when "Bob Dylan" "sings" the Alma Mater, accompanied by the jaw harp. (In retrospect, I don't remember how those two things can go together...) I actually did not realize how fabulous his impression of Bob Dylan was until I was in a department store last year, and I recognized the musical selection as Bob Dylan because it sounded an awful lot like "Bob Dylan Sings the Alma Mater." It was funny the first time, it was funny in the department store, and it was funny in the car.

Jay Williams, get out of my head.

So I'm working on filling out my sample ballot so that I can go vote (I'm going to vote early rather than vote absentee. I'd vote often if they'd let me, but I'll just settle for early. I want that sticker. Bonus points for anyone who got that reference.)

Nominees for President on the Ballot in California:
-Libertarian Party: Michael Badnarik/ Richard Campagna
-American Independent Party: Michael Anthony Peroutka/ Chuck Baldwin
-Peace and Freedom Party: Leonard Peltier/Janice Jordan
-Democratic Party: John F. Kerry/ John Edwards
-Green Party: David Cobb/ Pat La Marche
-Republican Party: George W. Bush/ Richard Cheney

Hmm, looks like Nader doesn't appear, doesn't it? Ah ha ha!

I'm tempted to vote for the Peace and Freedom Party just because they sound interesting. But I will not use my vote imprudently. I am proud to mark my ballot FOR John Kerry (As opposed to AGAINST Bush, because then I would vote for Peace and Freedom.)

I am so bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I'm the only one here in HR today, and people keep asking me questions that I can't answer, I've done all the filing, and I'm afraid to mess up my boss's piles of papers looking for something eles to do.

In other words, I give up. I'm not even going to pretend to work anymore today. There is nothing more for me to do on this machine.

I have a dark secret: I don't really like rap, and I don't really like angry white boy music, but I sort of like Eminem. He's totally rude and he mocks all kinds of cultural icons and I love it (but not that stuff where he talks about beating women. There just isn't any justification for that.) I liked the D-12 song, and he's got a new one called "Just Lose It." It's sort of stuck in my head. I'm a little ashamed of myself. I bought the Flickerstick album to make up for it.

Also, Britney Spears has a new song out called "My Perogative." First of all, I want to know what rhymes with "Perogative". Then, I want to know if she knows what it means. Looking at the video, the answers are 1) not much 2) sort of. A better title for this video could have been "It's My Life Bitch! [So Leave Me Alone About That Good-Girl Image I Used To Have! I'm Trying To Channel Madonna! And SO What If I Married A Guy Who Left His BabyMomma With One On The Way!]" or "Hey E! Fuck off!" I suppose those didn't work well with the focus groups. Either way, the song is awful. Go watch it. launch.yahoo.com.

(Does the music industry have focus groups? Am I hopelessly mired in political imagery?)

I am a Taurus. My Yahoo likes to give me my daily horoscope, which I read because I don't anything better to do sometimes. Here is today's:

You're just along for the ride, but that doesn't mean you have no control. Some greater truth has chosen to use you as its mouthpiece for the day. You don't necessarily have to understand what you're saying in order to get your mouth to form the words. You may start out shouting, but eventually you end up speaking into a stunned hush of stilled voices and open ears. Repeat your message as many times as possible -- your audience probably didn't hear you the first time.

When was President Bush born? Seriously, this is might as well have been titled "To Bush, from Karl. XOXO"

Karl Rove creeps me out more than Dick Cheney does. That boy's got issues.

So, my time at the shit job is coming to an end. My contract runs out on Friday, and clearly, they have no more work for me to do (though my presence does allow people to take REALLY long lunch breaks sometimes). So then the difficult question becomes, what do I do with myself now?

After Friday, I have no job and no place to live outside of my parent's house, which, incidently, is driving me crazy. I pretty much have two options, they way I see it. Go to DC and annoy my friends, or random road trips to swing states. The theory behind the latter is that it might help me in the event of a Kerry Administration, not to mention that it would be a blast. My mother's best friend's brother has flown to Florida from Oregon to do this (why he couldn't stay in his own swing state is beyond me), and my mother is telling me that I ought to seriously consider doing this as well. It would be totally un-India, in that there would be no fall-back plan, and probably very expensive. If I had a partner in crime, I wouldn't hesitate, but doing it alone is another thing entirely.

Oh, and I'm considering driving to Tempe, AZ for the last debate. It's only 6 hours, give or take. See above comment about a partner in crime. I've also considered going to Illinois and being a Barak groupie, but I think there are already too many of those. Edwards/Obama 2012!!

Conclusion: The chickens are restless. (Bonus points to anyone who gets that reference)

I do need to decide what city I'll be in for the first week in November since I do plan on a Vandy Homecoming visit, and even though it seems far away, it really isn't. Options are awesome, unless you don't know which one to pick. I may just eenie, meenie, miney, mo this one and see what state I end up in.

And the jury is back. For every website that is created that is both smart and funny, there is another one that makes you wonder what they are putting in the water. For example, Unicorns Against Bush (Hat Tip: Wonkette)

Seriously. It tries to be funny, and it could be if it weren't so...off. Sort of like how SNL had the potential to be incredibly funny last Saturday but just dropped the ball. Example: Queen Latifa was the host. She's awesome. They did a spoof of the Veep debate, where she was Gwen IFill, where she announced that she was asking the questions and reserved the right to impose random restrictions on how Edwards and Cheney would be allowed to answer the questions. (That's because in real life, she wanted to make them answer a question without using "Bush" or "Kerry" in the answer. It's like they were playing a drinking game...oh, wait, that was just me...) But then, she never imposed random restrictions. The whole sketch was of the Edwards character making borderline offensive comments about Mary Cheney. I was expecting at least some physical comedy, or mandatory Pig Latin. Or mandatory use of Poland - we can't forget Poland!

WTF, SNL? More importantly, WTF, Unicorns?

Apparently, there are quite a few other people who were as amused as I was by the President's weird jabbering about Poland. Witness:YouForgotPoland.Com

The best thing about this website is that after all the photoshop'd pictures of Bush and Poland, they included that fabulous picture of Kerry with a football coming out of his ass.

In the future, when people tell me that politics is boring, I will show them that picture. And they will be wrong.

He's Coming to Los Angeles!!! Barak Obama, my favorite politician ever, is coming to LA for a fundraiser!

Carrying his verbal assault on President Bush beyond state lines, Obama will fly to Los Angeles this week for a Democratic fundraiser and address rallies in Colorado and Nevada for John F. Kerry. In a close presidential race where turnout could prove decisive, Obama said in an interview that he is talking with Kerry advisers about where he can be most effective in the campaign's final days.

Too bad I'm not swanky enough to attend. Things to do: Find when and where he will be, make sign, find parking, stand outside and jump around like an idiot.

My mother gave me a list of this year's Darwin Awards. As everyone knows, The Darwin Awards are given to people who do stupid things that result in killing themselves and removing themselves from the gene pool. The Winner:

[Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnig! ht Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but willrequire extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

Clearly, both men were UT fans.

UPDATE: Jay Williams Says (copied from comments section)- Hate to break it to you, India, but this story has been proven to be an urban legend. Check out the write-up on Snopes.com: http://www.snopes.com/autos/techno/fuse.asp

India Says: Damn.

Nader has an op-ed in today's Washington Post.

I loathe this man. To me represents all that is wrong with American politicians. He is totally self-absorbed, and though he speaks with a populist message - which does have value - he has lost all legitimacy by making his candidacy all about him. See, Nader used to be cool. He did all that consumer advocacy stuff about tires that really did make a difference, but all that attention went to his head and now he can't STFU.

See, the populist thing worked during the consumer advocacy phase. He had an agenda that involved making life better for people who couldn't fight for themselves. It was truly admirable. But he no longer has any such agenda. Every word out of his mouth can basically be summed up: "POLITICAL PARTIES ARE EVIL BECAUSE THEY WON'T LISTEN TO ME!" It sounds like a personal vendetta, mostly against the Democrats, because they wouldn't help him in his crusade against the Evil Corporations like he wanted. He says it's because the Democrats are too much in the pocket of the Corporations, but I say it's because the Democrats have more to do as a national party that to focus on any one single issue. Nader doesn't like being told that he's not important, so he's now devoted his life to taking the Democrats down. Because that is really going to make things better. (Such. A. Dumbass.)

Not to mention that not all "corporations" are evil, just like not all "trial lawyers" are evil. Example: I worked for Southern California Edison, you know, an "evil" Energy Company. However, Edison gets over 30% of its energy from renewable resources, which is about double the amount that the liberal, tree-hugging State of California proposed to make mandatory. The measure didn't happen because come municipalites, like the City of Pasadena, supply their own energy, and they can't meet those standards. Edison also promotes energy conservation. Not only will they give you a free in-home consultation on how you can make your home save energy, if you use less energy this month than last month, they'll reduce your bill by 15%. AND they put a certain amount of money in every year's budget towards R&D for more renewable energy. How is that "evil"?

Okay, I feel better now. I feel about Nader like I feel about the Reverand Falwell.

I do love that in both debates, President Bush has made a point of mentioning random leaders of foreign countries. You see, back in 2000, he got burned a little bit for getting someone's name wrong. So this time, Karl made him learn him some countries and some leaders, and he done practiced. And he's determined to throw those names in, especially that Polish guy, that name was hard. Karl made him practice, and he's not practicing for nothing.

I sympathize; I've definitely put things in essays that aren't really relevant because I've studied them, and I know it and I want some credit! But this bothers me in my President...

FOUR MORE WEEKS!

So, the second debate.

First impressions: President Bush was on drugs. Seriously, they gave him a Paxil Ritalin cocktail or something, otherwise, I have no explanation as to why he kept popping out of his chair like a spaz. I was listening on the radio, and I could hear him leaping around. He needs a vacation. A nice, long vacation...

Beyond that, I thought Kerry did quite well. He looks like a statesman because, well, he is. The Red Sox joke was stupid (it's okay to not be rational if you're a Red Sox fan but not if you're the President. What?) but Kerry did well. I'm seriously excited to vote for him. FOR Kerry, and not just against Bush.

At one point, the President asked the moderator if he wanted to buy some wood. Yes, I wanted to make a penis joke.

Bush also told us he wouldn't appoint a judge who supported the Dred Scott case. Yes, the Dred Scott case, the one before the Civil War where the Supreme Court upheld the right of people to own other people. Bush doesn't support it. Of course, he doesn't support it. We know that. We know that President Bush supports freedom. That's why we went into Iraq, to promote freedom. Freedom and liberty are the only way to make the world safer. The world is different after 9/11, and we need to take down Saddam Hussein, because he was against freedom. The terrorists hate freedom. They'd support the Dred Scott Case, and Bush will never appoint a terrorist to the Supreme Court.

For full debate coverage, I point you to Wonkette. Quite, quite good.

I definitely found some interesting things. In no particular order (and I skipped the ones that are actually you. That's not fun.):

Joel Hart, everyone's favorite Admissions Counselor:

Joel Hart is a stillwater specialist, one of the finest, and, like me, he loves a tough situation. Unlike me, however, he lacks a masochistic streak. He doesn't mind getting beaten by the trout, but he doesn't want to hike eight or nine miles uphill to do it.

Also, Joel Hart (11 Feb. 1810-2 Mar. 1877) carved a bust of the wife of Cornelius Vanderbilt. That's just freaky.

And,

The second Consul, Joel Hart from New York, took over in 1818, though almost immediately he went to London to work as a physician, returning to America within five years. Despite this, he held the post of Consul at Leith for sixteen years, the U.S. State Department being unaware of his departure, and it seems that his only official act was to appoint a vice-consul who was left to conduct the affairs of the Consulate. This was Robert Grieve, who was a local ship chandler with premises on the shore at Leith.

I could not access this last website because my web filter told me it was "tasteless". I have no doubt that it, as apparently a Joel Hart in Australia got arrested for serial masturbating. I'll check it when I get home, and if it is actually offensive, it will vanish.
UPDATE: The link doesn't work at home either, so I'll just give you the address that I origianlly saw: joel.hart.wasarrested.com/AK/Melbourne/masturbating
If it works for anyone, let me know.

-Katie Frazier, Band President du jour"

Katie Frazier's life is a fascinating saga of survival during a period of rapid and drastic change. Whether tanning deer hide to make cradle boards and moccasins, or teaching dances, songs and the Paiute language to schoolchildren at Pyramid Lake, Katie embodied strength, practicality and wisdom. Those who knew her remember another quality that was delightful: her droll sense of humor and her wit.

Katie Frazier, the president of the Tri Delta sorority at UCF wrote a letter to the Elections Commission saying, "An unauthorized statement and endorsement was made that was not in support of one of our sisters ... Tri Delta is endorsing Darrah Winkler, Arts and Sciences Seat 11 for United UCF."

Haha, Katie Frazier is a Tri-Delt.

-Erica Williamson

Jazzopetry is the result of many years of activity in the poetic and theatrical communities by Erica Williamson and the musical, poetic, and theatrical communities by Clif Jackson.

Erica Williamson, Associated Student Government financial vice president, said the Student Activities Finance Board is investigating College Republicans' participation in the bake sale to see if there is any potential financial misconduct.

If I didn't know better, I'd think that one was actually real...

-Claire McDonald

"We're seeing more of the horrible cases where people are getting terrible bedsores or medical treatment is not being sought when someone is in critical shape," said Claire McDonald, Snohomish County's long-term care ombudsman.

A team of judges including Lady Claire McDonald deliberated over the dishes prepared by the teenage chefs in front of an audience of several hundred.

Those were the best. Well guys, that was fun, but I can leave and go home now. Happy Debate Watching!

so, I google'd myself, and I found a little piece of Shameless Self Promotion. I hadn't been able to find this before. It makes me feel all bubbly. I'm seriously considering adding that link to my resume, but I'm not sure anyone would care...

That is still the coolest thing I've ever done.

I'm bored off my rocker. It's after 3:30, so there's no more news to be had today. And there's only so much solitare I can take. I already looked at all the online shopping things this week, and they only get updated once a week. It feels like I've come to the end of the internet. How is that possible? Well, anything related to "hobbies" is blocked, anything considered "offensive" is blocked, so that cuts out a lot of randomness.

Maybe I'll just go google my friends. I'll post if I find anything interesting.

Okay, I've been trying to be good, but this is now the third time I've read this quote, and it needs to be shared:

We've got epidemic levels of oral sex in the middle schools.

- From Dr. Phil, to President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush. (I was going to call her "First Lady Bush" but after the oral sex quote, I couldn't bring myself to do it.)

Okay, first of all, how do we know this? Who are we asking? How are we sure we believe them? Are we sure they know what oral sex is? I cite Dan Savage as evidence of recently post-pubescent kids being totally positive they know about sex and being totally wrong.

That's the first point. The second point is, while I understand the impulse to freak out, I sort of think this isn't a new thing. Everyone with kids, or who has been around people with kids, or has ever been a kid, knows of some story that involves the fascination with genitalia. I don't think that changes when we get older, we just get better at pretending that it doesn't happen. Example: In my cousin's kindergarten class, the teacher had them draw self portraits to hang on the wall for Back To School Night for parents. My aunt attended BTSN, and was distressed to note that her son's picture was not on the wall, so she asked the teacher. The teacher gave my aunt the picture, and it was immediately clear why it had been banned. When drawing a self-portrait, my cousin had included all the important parts: arms, legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes...and a penis.

I do think that if middle school kids are actually running around having sex with each other, that is a problem, but not exactly for moral reasons. It's dangerous, because I don't think they know what they are doing, or the possible dangers associated with that kind of behavior. When you're 13, you now know that boys don't have cooties; you don't know that they could have something much worse than cooties that a rhyme and a mark on your arm won't prevent.

And I don't think the answer is to tell kids that behavior is bad, unless there's a ring on your finger, and even then you should be careful not to enjoy it too much. Sociology and religion obviously have quite a lot to do with the choices we make, but I firmly, firmly believe that education makes all choices better.

Ralph Nader, our residential Douchebag-In-Chief, likes to tell us that the Republican Party and the Democrat Party are essentially the same thing, backed by corporate fat-cats. He says that we need to redo the Constitution so that we operate under a different system that would allow for more dissonant voices to be heard, namely, his. I think this is an awful idea, for a bunch of reasons, but I do think it would be fun if more random Third Party (NB: any party not D or R is a Third Party, no matter how many of them there are. We have lots of Third Parties, including the India Party.) candidates would put themselves in the public light so we can mock them. I'll admit, Nader does his part, that thing with the cape was pretty funny. But usually, they're fairly boring (it's TNR, so it might not work.) I do think this is a shame overall, but I do think that this year's candidates have done a fairly good job of being interesting.

But in case this ever changes, I hereby vow that if I do not get elected to office via the more traditional parties, I will find a better name for the India Party (oo-maybe it should just be a symbol, like the artist formerly known as Prince, who is now known as Prince again), make it official, and run for lots of things that way. I am committed to making politics interesting for all people.

Who loved the "This Land Is My Land" song by jibjab.com? I did! I did! And now, there's a new song up, called It's Good To Be In DC, sung to the tune of what I think is supposed to be "Dixie," but it's rather tortured. Definitely not as good as the first one, but then, it couldn't be. Bush didn't call himself a "Right-Wing Nutjob" and Kerry didn't refer to himself as a "Liberal Wiener"...or tell us he had three purple hearts. But it's still worth the 30 seconds of your life to watch it. You can also buy the DVD with both songs for 10 bucks, which I don't really think is worth it without deleted scenes, or a making the video section.

I do love the Internet. The dotcom bubble may have burst, but it left behind a vehicle for smart, bored people to create off the wall things that amuse me and make the world more fun.

Today, my Daddy informed me that he read Savage Love, one of my favorite weekly columns. (I have learned all sorts of weird things about people and sex from Dan Savage - like how good partners should be open and accepting to all weird fetishs from their partner, as long as it isn't incest, bestiality or eating poop. Animals and family members can not be considered as "consenting adults" without some degree of coercion, and eating poop is just gross. Anyway.)

My dad says: I've been reading that Savage Love...do you think he might be gay?

Oh Daddy.

(Yes.)

Yesterday I got yelled at multiple times by multiple people who believe that I said and did things to deliberately hurt them. (This is interesting to me on a "Why Does My Life Suck" level that this happened on a day when I was several hours late to work because I could not talk myself out of bed. And that was before I got yelled at.)

This bothers me not only because I don't like it when people I care about tell me I've treated them badly, but more so because I was accused of malice of forethought. It would be useless to deny that I can be a bitch, but deliberately going out of my way to hurt someone is something I avoid for people I don't like, not to mention my friends.

If you tell me that I hurt your feelings, even if I do not fall down in a classic melodramatic display of agony, I do actually feel quite bad. So please do not accuse me of being a heartless wench either. That does hurt my feelings, which then leads to both of us feeling sorry for ourselves, which turns into an accusation match, which cannot end nicely. As the cartoon bat said, "This can only end in tears."

Plato believed that the only way to arrive at truth was through honest discussion. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that honest discussion is not possbile when people are blinded by emotion. I recognize that I myself have a tendency to get irrationally pissed, which turns into more irrational behavior, which is bad. Sometimes, I send myself to my room. When that is not possible, I just work very hard to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I fail. Again, I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose. I also recognize that you are probably reacting out of anger, and I will do my best not to take it personally.

To be perfectly honest, I'm probably not going to think that whatever I did was wrong. I accept the fact that you obviously think I was wrong, but I reserve the right to respectfully disagree. On the other hand, sometimes I will agree that I behaved badly, and then I get to deal with feeling like an idiot as well as guilt for hurting your feelings. Again, not fun times for anyone, but please be aware that just because I don't agree doesn't mean that I do not feel bad for hurting your feelings. If you feel bad and you blame it on me, I feel bad, end of story.

Where do we go from here? That's up to you. I will always hope that we can stay friends, and I will work towards this goal, but I'm only willing to put myself through so much. I'm here to talk about whatever if you are willing to do your half. I am not willing to have a "Why India Sucks And Ruined My Life" conversation, and if you start that, I reserve the right to tell you to go fuck yourself. Is this productive? No, and I will strive to avoid that. But I still reserve the right.

So if you've ever felt slighted, maligned, affronted, insulted, hurt, upset, snubbed, injured, disrespected or wounded, I promise I didn't do it on purpose, and I respectfully ask that you accept my sincere apology.

Love always,
India

Full disclosure: There are two exceptions to this. If you have to wonder if you are one, then you are not. At the time, it overwhelmingly clear what both sides said and what was intended. There was no doubt to us, or to anyone else within a 30 ft radius.

So I had a job interview today that sort of came out of nowhere. The guy found my resume online and called me even though I have a DC address and he's in Redondo Beach...15 minutes from my parents' house. So I went. Good interviewing experience if nothing else.

It's an international translating company called InterLingua. (No website.) Basically, they translate things, but that wouldn't be my job. My job would be to work with the customers and find the people who do the translating. I think...

They also want me to commit to work long time, which I don't think is fair/possible. I will go back to school eventually, so I don't think I can take that job based on that fact alone.

However.

There were at least nine yellow rubber ducks on the Macintosh computers in various offices. I can't help but think that the Universe is trying to speak to me.

I'll have to think about it.

That last one made not much sense, and I'm too tired to edit my way into sense. I'm going to go home now...and then go babysit 4 preteen boys. (Why oh why did I agree to that? Oh yeah, I'm trying to be nice and do a favor for someone. Damn.)

New Rule: Screw brevity. No more bitching. Focusing on the negative won't get me anywhere.

I'm starting to be ashamed of myself. I was actually distraught last night when I discovered that I was watching the post-debate spin rather than the Real World...too late to fix the problem, and I now have to figure out one of the 20,000 times MTV will run it before next week. (Oo! Problem solved. Tune in an hour early when they run down last week's episode! Awesome.) I switched from the a Daily Show commercial to Newlyweds AND FORGOT TO FLIP BACK. (It was okay though, Jessica Simpson getting eye surgery was funnier than Billy Bob Thornton). Actually, that last one isn't so bad. I've loved to hate watching the Newlyweds (When are they no longer "newly wed"?) even when I had things to do.

So, in that vein, articles like this rock my world. The best part (does anyone else get too lazy to click the links in blogs? I do sometimes. That's why I stick stuff in.):

Asked if one of his daughters was more like him than the other, he responded, and I swear to God I'm transcribing word-for-word: "Yes. No. Well that's ... gosh, I'd like to say yes, but I guess ... yes, the answer is yes." Which daughter, Mrs. Dr. Phil inquired? "Well, that's why I hesitated. Because in some ways my daughter Alexandra is more like me, but in other ways my daughter Vanessa is more like me." Senator? It's not an appropriations bill with riders. Just pick a name! Memo to Joe Lockhart: For the remaining three weeks of the campaign, do not let your candidate appear to vacillate on any subject, no matter how trivial. When he pulls into the fast-food drive-through on a campaign stop, have him bellow "COMBO CLASSIC, HOLD THE CHEESE!" before the intercom even comes on, and keep on repeating it at top volume until the last french fry has vanished down his gullet.

I think it's the mental image thing. Actually, now that I think about it, all the stuff that has made me crack up recently involves mental imagery...Kerry's ass; Super-Nader; John Edwards on his chair screaming "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!" at Dr. Evil/Dick Cheney; ironing a rhino... I got that last one off of a popsicle stick a few years ago. No one else thinks it's funny, but I see a 50s era Lucy Ricardo-esque woman chasing down a pack of rhinos in some field in Africa, iron in hand, electrical cord flapping in the breeze. And that's funny to me.

Oh, the Hilarity:

Off his meds again?

"Nader Dreamed of Leaping Onstage in a Cape," said the Miami Herald headline the day after the presidential debate last week.

"Left on the sidelines of the presidential debate, long-shot candidate and alleged race-spoiler Ralph Nader was nonetheless at the University of Miami -- criticizing the two headliners and plotting an unscripted cameo on the prime time stage," the Herald said.

" 'If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a cape -- that's my dream,' " Nader said at a school faculty club dinner as he decried " 'a presidential puppet show, a presidential charade' set up by the Bush and Kerry campaigns."

Dear Man on the Motorcycle:

I hope you are okay. When I pulled over for the two police cars, the firetruck and the ambulance, I thought there had been a multiple car pile up with many victims, but when I drove by, there was just you and your motorcycle.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Good luck.

Courtesy of Dan Froomkin's WaPo column:

Marc Sandalow writes in the San Francisco Chronicle: "Had Dick Cheney or John Edwards stood on their chairs and shouted 'liar, liar pants on fire,' it might have surprised viewers, but it would not have changed the tenor of Tuesday night's debate.

But it would have instantly made the debate more interesting that baseball.

I'm sort of enjoying reading about Cheney being a liar, like I enjoyed reading about Bush's sighing. See, Love Story WAS about Gore (but not Tipper; on the other hand, Cheney had met Edwards before yesterday (thrice!) and did link the attacks that happened on 9/11/2001 to Saddam Hussein (more than thrice! On tape! We have video!). I'll have to say, I was impressed that Cheney kept a straight face. He couldn't look at the camera, but hey, it's hard. I know that because Bush told me, and it's unpatriotic to question the President.

Goal of the Day: Brevity.

It's 9am on a weekday and I'm still unshowered and in my pajamas. I am going to work. I've been awake for over two hours. I just couldn't convince myself to get out of bed. Sigh...

Best part of this VP Debate: I'd rather have the weaker half of the ticket live outside the White House.

I haven't felt quite like I'm fighting a battle I should be winning since the second to last Vandy football game I watched. Oy.

Update: Second best part of the debate - Skip to the part where Edwards gets buzzed a la Taboo for saying "John Kerry." Gwen isn't allowed to moderate any more debates. Ever.

If you don't read The Onion, you should. I'm torn between the picture of Bush in the flight suit at the debate or the Irrelevant Pop Stars Story as this week's best feature. Either way, I haven't laughed this hard since yesterday's picture of John Kerry's ass.

Update: Irrelevant Pop Stars For Change is funnier. It's funny because it's true. Aside from the bogus comments from the RNC people, I seriously heard this on NPR yesterday, complete with the Republican going to the concert anyway.

I am making a concerted effort to write shorter posts. They don't seem that long in my head, but then they take up half the page. I believe this is a direct result of multiple 20 page papers and too much free time/brain space. Ah, to be mentally challenged again!

As a Political Science / Communications Studies double major, I relished the opportunity to take PSCI classes that also counted for my CMST major. One such class was a class called Political Communication, taught by Professor Richard Pride. (Side note to Vandy students: if you need an easy three hour A, take his American Political Culture seminar, a.k.a. the Feelings Class, on TR from 2:30-4. And this isn't one of those easy-if-you-know-politics easy classes. It's HOD easy. Like, you write 750 words a week on how you feel about things. If you use the phrase, "I felt angry when..." you will get an A. And girls, he will stare at your boobs and invade your personal space.)

Anyway. The prof is sort of a douchebag (see above on boobs and personal space), and that class was completely weird, but looking back on it, there were some really valuable things that I learned. For instance, re: the liberal media and the success of Fox, he told us that people tend to not listen to or read things that they disagree with. I disagreed with that statement, both because I believed that intelligent people prefer to keep reading to challenge the argument and that non-intelligent people don't think for themselves. Alas, I have changed my mind (flip flop flapjack) and I will now concede there is more wisdom in Professor Douchebag's argument that I originally allowed.

Barack Obama (oh how I love that man) said in his keynote speech at the DNC (I'll look up the link and stick it in later, but I don't feel like it right now) that there was not a "Red" American or a "Blue" America [for the non-political savvy, Red States are Republican states and Blue States are Democratic states] but there was only one America that basically needed John Kerry. I loved the speech (We take our children to Little League in the Blue States and we have Gay Friends in the Red States!) but I think it's false, at least until Nov. 2.

I was exploring the links on Instapundit, and becoming increasingly distressed at all the more conservative blogs that I found. I had heard of them, but I guess I thought they existed along the same lines as the swing voter and the Loch Ness Monster. Wrong. Clearly. Some of the comments left my jaw hanging open, mostly about how Kerry is unfit to be Commander in Chief (side note II: Why have we taken to referring to the President as the Commander in Chief? I've read the Constitution. It says that one of the many roles that the President of the United States will play is that of the Commander in Chief of US forces. We are not voting for the Commander in Chief. We are voting for the President. The two should not be used interchangeably, as one is much more limited in responsibility.) I could understand if it was just another flip-flop argument, but this doesn't sound like sheep logic.

Kerry's long record in public life - both upon his return from Vietnam, and in the Senate - is equally clear: Calumnies [SIC] against both his fellow soldiers in Vietnam and America's current allies in the war on terror that are never repudiated, or apologized for. A long history of votes against defense & intelligence appropriations, and of opposing U.S. military action abroad, even in the face of clear threats. Declarations that that we are engaged in global police work in the wake of 9/11, and not a war. The endless preoccupation with Vietnam.

The only explanation I can find for people who believe a Kerry Presidency would not be Carterite to its core (and worse) is sheer wishful projection. It is a measure of Bush's lack of competence as a campaigner and persuader that these illusions have not been utterly shattered, and that Kerry is still in the race.

Yes, I agree that Kerry needs to stop talking about Vietnam. He's starting to remind me of that John Goodman character in "The Big Lebowski" who screams at the weird bowling guy about how bowling isn't like 'Nam, there are rules! But. I would much rather have that man as my President than the current man who doesn't understand that his actions have consequences, so I'm pulling the lever (or, inking a dot, thank you California) for the Democrats and for Kerry.

And Bush's lack of competence as a campaigner? Are we living in the same news cycle? My friend Charlie (and ex-Republican and Bush supporter, from Texa/Alabama/Georgia, no less):

The deficit's reaching epic proportions, the fundamentalists are clearly in charge of social policy, the war's been one half-assed miscalculation after another, al Qaeda is recruiting like the Oklahoma football team, global terrorism is getting worse, not better, we're well on our way to a flat tax, and the challenger is behind in the polls?

Conclusion: We only see what we want to see, and I have absolutely not a clue about what will happen in November. Or, moreover, to my country afterwards.