Thursday, October 07, 2004
A Blanket Apology
Yesterday I got yelled at multiple times by multiple people who believe that I said and did things to deliberately hurt them. (This is interesting to me on a "Why Does My Life Suck" level that this happened on a day when I was several hours late to work because I could not talk myself out of bed. And that was before I got yelled at.)
This bothers me not only because I don't like it when people I care about tell me I've treated them badly, but more so because I was accused of malice of forethought. It would be useless to deny that I can be a bitch, but deliberately going out of my way to hurt someone is something I avoid for people I don't like, not to mention my friends.
If you tell me that I hurt your feelings, even if I do not fall down in a classic melodramatic display of agony, I do actually feel quite bad. So please do not accuse me of being a heartless wench either. That does hurt my feelings, which then leads to both of us feeling sorry for ourselves, which turns into an accusation match, which cannot end nicely. As the cartoon bat said, "This can only end in tears."
Plato believed that the only way to arrive at truth was through honest discussion. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that honest discussion is not possbile when people are blinded by emotion. I recognize that I myself have a tendency to get irrationally pissed, which turns into more irrational behavior, which is bad. Sometimes, I send myself to my room. When that is not possible, I just work very hard to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I fail. Again, I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose. I also recognize that you are probably reacting out of anger, and I will do my best not to take it personally.
To be perfectly honest, I'm probably not going to think that whatever I did was wrong. I accept the fact that you obviously think I was wrong, but I reserve the right to respectfully disagree. On the other hand, sometimes I will agree that I behaved badly, and then I get to deal with feeling like an idiot as well as guilt for hurting your feelings. Again, not fun times for anyone, but please be aware that just because I don't agree doesn't mean that I do not feel bad for hurting your feelings. If you feel bad and you blame it on me, I feel bad, end of story.
Where do we go from here? That's up to you. I will always hope that we can stay friends, and I will work towards this goal, but I'm only willing to put myself through so much. I'm here to talk about whatever if you are willing to do your half. I am not willing to have a "Why India Sucks And Ruined My Life" conversation, and if you start that, I reserve the right to tell you to go fuck yourself. Is this productive? No, and I will strive to avoid that. But I still reserve the right.
So if you've ever felt slighted, maligned, affronted, insulted, hurt, upset, snubbed, injured, disrespected or wounded, I promise I didn't do it on purpose, and I respectfully ask that you accept my sincere apology.
Love always,
India
Full disclosure: There are two exceptions to this. If you have to wonder if you are one, then you are not. At the time, it overwhelmingly clear what both sides said and what was intended. There was no doubt to us, or to anyone else within a 30 ft radius.
This bothers me not only because I don't like it when people I care about tell me I've treated them badly, but more so because I was accused of malice of forethought. It would be useless to deny that I can be a bitch, but deliberately going out of my way to hurt someone is something I avoid for people I don't like, not to mention my friends.
If you tell me that I hurt your feelings, even if I do not fall down in a classic melodramatic display of agony, I do actually feel quite bad. So please do not accuse me of being a heartless wench either. That does hurt my feelings, which then leads to both of us feeling sorry for ourselves, which turns into an accusation match, which cannot end nicely. As the cartoon bat said, "This can only end in tears."
Plato believed that the only way to arrive at truth was through honest discussion. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that honest discussion is not possbile when people are blinded by emotion. I recognize that I myself have a tendency to get irrationally pissed, which turns into more irrational behavior, which is bad. Sometimes, I send myself to my room. When that is not possible, I just work very hard to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I fail. Again, I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose. I also recognize that you are probably reacting out of anger, and I will do my best not to take it personally.
To be perfectly honest, I'm probably not going to think that whatever I did was wrong. I accept the fact that you obviously think I was wrong, but I reserve the right to respectfully disagree. On the other hand, sometimes I will agree that I behaved badly, and then I get to deal with feeling like an idiot as well as guilt for hurting your feelings. Again, not fun times for anyone, but please be aware that just because I don't agree doesn't mean that I do not feel bad for hurting your feelings. If you feel bad and you blame it on me, I feel bad, end of story.
Where do we go from here? That's up to you. I will always hope that we can stay friends, and I will work towards this goal, but I'm only willing to put myself through so much. I'm here to talk about whatever if you are willing to do your half. I am not willing to have a "Why India Sucks And Ruined My Life" conversation, and if you start that, I reserve the right to tell you to go fuck yourself. Is this productive? No, and I will strive to avoid that. But I still reserve the right.
So if you've ever felt slighted, maligned, affronted, insulted, hurt, upset, snubbed, injured, disrespected or wounded, I promise I didn't do it on purpose, and I respectfully ask that you accept my sincere apology.
Love always,
India
Full disclosure: There are two exceptions to this. If you have to wonder if you are one, then you are not. At the time, it overwhelmingly clear what both sides said and what was intended. There was no doubt to us, or to anyone else within a 30 ft radius.
