Hurricane I

Though I heard about this story on NPR this morning, the headline in the Washington Post was far funnier:

Marijuana Goes Back To High Court

(Hat tip for the pun: Charlie Gasner).

What's your Viking Name? Mine is Öndótt Thickthews!

(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be my name -- since I'm female, my name would be something like "Öndótt Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and I want to be known for who I am, not for who my father was, right? Right.)

My Viking Personality: I'm a fearsome Viking, but I'm not completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of me for that. I am strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser women. I might be able to hold my own on the battlefield, but I'm no "berserker".

I would have a very tough time making a long sea voyage in a Viking longboat. I possess some skills which other Vikings respect.

I have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Due to your gregariousness, I don't strike fear into the hearts of my victims. I shall try to be a little more surly in the future.

I'm mostly testing a photo thing that I found floating around on the Internets, but I did also enjoy this picture. It's of me and the Lyndon LaRouche guy in the Seattle airport. I was very tickled to take this picture, though then I had to beat him away with my purse because I was not giving him money or signing up to be further harassed.

The spell checker on my blogger is not working for reasons unbeknownst to me. Thus, as my ability to spell things varies directly with my awakeness and withitness, I've decided just to publicly accept the fact that I'm probably messing something up. Sorry, folks.

I have a confession: I really wanted to come home for Thanksgiving not so much for the bird and the family (I did just leave here two weeks ago) as I did for the Day After Thanksgiving Shopping. I mean, eventually, I'll get a new city all cased out, but after 8 years, I've got LA down to a Science. By 10:30 today, I was totally done with my Christmas shopping. D-U-N done.

Of course, I started at 5:30, also know as the Ass Crack Of Dawn. It was indeed dark when we left. And God said, Let There Be Shopping, and It Was Good.

And the deals were fabulous. I had a great time heating up the credit card. I love doing this, because I get to spend all day thinking about my friends and what they would like. Some people have themes in my head, and this is the time of year that I find random things that fit in this theme. Sometimes it works, and my friends say, Oh This is Great! Where Did You Ever Find This Fabulous Thing!?! Sometimes, they have to fake it. I like to think that I hit more than I miss, but maybe my friends are just good actors. It was kind of a bummer this year because I had to limit my budget (damn unemployment), so I excluded people who's gifts would have to be mailed. I bought really awesome Christmas cards (buy one get one free, which is good, because I know a lot of people.) but it's just not the same. Maybe I'll come up with really awesome flat things.

I think I've done well this year. There are a couple of gifts in particular that I'm extremely excited to give (and would have given already except for that pesky rule about Christmas not coming before Thanksgiving. Christmas comes prompty after Halloween, didn't you know?) When I was a kid, the idea that it's better to give that to receive was totally over my head, but now I sort of get it. Except when I receive really awesome gifts. And everyone knows that the best gifts to get are things that you really like but would never buy for yourself. I love buying those for people.

It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year. And now I'm exhaused. Time for napping.

Two Issues with a story on Slate titled "The $28K Sandwich That Grew No Mold - How the Virgin Mary's grilled cheese stayed mold-free for 10 years":

First, someone paid $28K for a Grilled Cheese Sandwhich that supposedly has a likeness of the Virgin Mary. Why would you do this. It's not an investment. (Not to mention that I can't see it, but then I'm sort of hazy on what the VM is supposed to look like on fried bread.)

Second, Slate wrote a story on it. I'm sort of hoping it's one of those things that people do because they're excited that they can get paid for weird shit. "I have the bestjobever! I get to write stories about people auctioning off Holy Sandwhiches on eBay! Screw you Corporate America!"

And now I'm linking to it. Am I part of the problem? Yes. But isn't the first step recognition?

For those that are interested, CRC Advertising is the company that I interviewed with. Just in case you're interested.

Let me start at the ending: yes, I did make it to the interview evenutally, and yes, I did get invited back for rounds 2 and 3. Oh, but were it only that simple...

If you bother to scroll down, you'll notice that I did not think I got called back for the marketing job. It turns out that they didn't call me back because they forwarded my resume et. al. to a sister location that is accessible by the Metro. Yay the Metro. I'm a huge fan of public transportation, as anyone who knows me can attest, and this is more than just because I don't own a car. But that's not the point of this story (not to mention that Energy Policy discussions are way less interesting than India v. The Bus Round VI.) So, I was supposed to be at the interview site at 12:45 this morning. No problem. I was supposed to take the Metro to W. Falls Church and then take Bus 28A or 28B to the Leesburg Pike/Ramada exit. When they told me on the phone that I was supposed to take a bus, my stomach sank, but I would like to do this job, so I didn't say anything. Oh, the humanity.

I leave the house this morning a little before 11:30 because I want to make sure I get there on time. (What a joke.) I had to wait a little bit for the Metro Blue line, so I didn't make it to W. Falls Church until 12:43. I go running out of the station and fortunately (I thought) there was 28A waiting right there for me. So I hop on the bus and I call the people and tell them that the trains were running a bit late, but I'm on the bus and I'll be there as soon as I can.

I keep checking the notepad in my lap because my stop is not forthcoming. They are out of route maps on the bus, so I can't check to see where I am v. where I want to be, and I start to wonder how long I'm supposed to be on this bus and where on earth am I going. Did I get on the wrong bus? No, I'm on 28A. Where are we going? Is this a metaphore for my life?

Then we hit traffic. There was a nasty, nasty accident that required 8 lanes of traffic to be brought to a dead halt, three ambulances, two firetrucks and more police than you could shake a stick at. There went a good half an hour.

As we continued our tour of Northern Virginia (I saw no fewer than three college campuses, one ghetto and two business districts), I become increasingly convinced that regardless of the number on this bus, I am not going the correct way. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to fix this. This is what I dislike about buses - they are way more complicated than trains, poorly marked, and if you fuck up - which you probably will if it's your first time - you can't fix it easily. And the man sitting next to me hasn't bathed in days. I know I shouldn't blame the bus, but smelly people tend to happen more often on buses than trains. And to say that this gentleman "smelled" is an understatement.

Fortunately for me (I suppose) we eventually ended up at another Metro Station - Kings Cross. For those not familiar with the DC Metro map, think of it this way: The Metro is sort of a square. I was supposed to be a at 10 o'clock on the map, but thanks to my bus ride, I'm now at 6 o'clock on the map. Good times. It's now 3:00.

So I get back on the Metro, and go back to W. Falls Church and try again. Upon further examination of the bus schedule attached to the pole outside, 28A has two possible routes, NW and SE. The number of the bus is the same, but the routes do not overlap. It was then I wanted to beat the bus system to death with the pole. But that would ruin my suit, so I sit down to wait for another stupid bus.

I get on the bus that is going the correct location, and that's when I run into problem #2: The exit I want is not named like the people on the phone told me, but naturally, I did not discover this until I had also taken this bus to the end of the line. So as the bus turns around and I try it again. I am going to make it to this interview before they close, and it had damn well be worth it.

I exit the bus (with help from the driver who is making fun of me at this point) and then I'm faced with a new problem. I have no idea where to go now. So I call the office and ask for help. The chick on the phone tells me they are in the "Four Sevens" Building, which is perhaps the worst bit of directiong-giving I've dealth with all day. I'm standing on what is basically Hotel Row, so I'm thinking that "Four Sevens" is a cheap version of "Four Seasons" but that's really not it at all. Underneath the very large sign directly in front of me that says "Srathmore University" (or something) is the address in very tiny letters: 7777. Clearly, the Universe was mocking me today. It is now 3:45.

I walk out of the building again at 4:00, maybe 4:05. I have spent no more than 15 minutes in this interview, though it took me all day to make it there. The guy who interviewed me was 23 (and cute, I might add), and not the toughest interviewer I've ever faced. Basically, I answered two questions: Where do people hang out, and how do baseball parks make their money? Easy and easier. (Where they eat, work and shop; Food and Souviners - yeah VMI!) It's a good thing he did most of the talking, I was exhaused from my duel with The Bus.

Fortunately, I made it home without incident, though $7 lighter. My call back interview is Dec. 1. I will be using public transportation again, and I'll be wearing a skirt this time (as I said, the interviewer was cute) so we'll see how that goes.

So, the overall rundown in India v. The Bus:
Round I: The First Day as an SCE Intern, Summer 2003. India winds up wandering through the Spanish ghetto in the desert in a black wool pantsuit with a briefcase. Bus wins.
Round II: Middle of the Summer Experimental Bus Trip to SCE Mandated By My Parents, Summer 2003. Parts of my body that I didn't know had fat on them jiggled. India calls home irately once at work, parents save message because they think previous sentence about jiggling fat very funny. Bus wins.
Round III: Express bus from BWI to the Greenline Metro, Summer 2004. Though there were initial problems as to how to pay a $3 fare with a $5 bill without getting change, the leftover laundry quarters saved the day. India wins.
Round IV: Dupont Circle to Emma's apartment, Summer 2004. I forgot to ask for the address/correct stop, so I exit the bus way too soon. Steve Nelson was no help. But I had a map of the bus route, and I just walked the rest of the way...in DC, in the black wool skirt suit. Fortunately, there was a change of shoes in my purse, and I conqured the route...eventually. India wins, though barely.
Round V: Emma's Apartment to The Mansion, Fall 2004. Extremely cold, and of the three possible bus stops to stand by, I picked the wrong one because I missed the hidden fourth one. Waited in the cold until I gave up and picked an alternate route that was more expensive, but much, much warmer. Bus wins.
Round VI: Down Wisconsive Ave to The Mansion, Fall 2004. Sort of an alternate route from Emma's apartment. Bus almost won because Steve was getting bored waiting with me and was about to hail a cab and make me get in it, but just at that moment, the Bus appeared. And I got out at the correct stop. India wins.
Round VII: Today, Fall 2004. Bus clearly, clearly wins.
Overall: BUS 4, INDIA 3

The really bad thing about the 24 hour news cycle is that sometimes, we have to make-up the news.

The article almost makes a point at the end. Almost.

TNR has two fabulous stories today, and I do so enjoy reading TNR. It's like eating very expensive chocolate - it just makes you feel all warm and floaty on the inside. But then, I'm clearly, clearly, a political nerd. However, this TNR piece on why Hillary '08 = Baaaaaad is packaged so nicely that even non political types should like it. So I've excerpted my favorite parts:

Iran is going nuclear. Iraq is on the brink of civil war. Egypt is suffering an actual, literal plague of locusts. The Red Sox won the World Series. Karl Rove is front-runner for Man of the Year. Clearly the Apocalypse is at hand. With the Four Horsemen descending, Democrats have precious little time to get their act together, and someone needs to sit them down for what a friend of mine calls a "get right with Jesus talk."

...

Ordinarily I'm not the kind of gal to kick a guy when he's down--at least not unless I'm pretty sure he's so far down he ain't getting back up. But I make an exception in Kerry's case because, while Democrats are busy reflecting, they need to carefully consider the costs of disregarding a candidate's basic likeability. (Not to be confused with his IQ or experience or fundraising clout or height.) Dems can rework their policies and narrative and meta-message all they want, but if they don't learn to pick a contender with a common touch and a broad appeal--meaning someone who can relate to the masses outside the Delta Shuttle corridor--they are going to wind up wandering in the wilderness far longer than Moses.

Most importantly, the party would do well to come to grips with this electoral reality now, before it finds itself staring down the barrel of an even grander presidential disaster. I speak, of course, of Hillary '08.

It doesn't hurt that I also think that Hillary Clinton should not run for President. And actually, I don't think she will. I don't think her years in the White House were easy for her, and I think she likes being a Senator. Not to mention that she would get in the way of my beloved Obama. (Related story: On the Hill today, someone I was talking to about jobs with Democrats mention that Obama filled up his staff spots "unusually quickly." Shocking.) But seriously, I think Hillary knows it would be more trouble than it's worth, and she can do more good to fundraise the bejesus out of New York. But we'll see.

India's Note on the Previous Post: I am so sorry. No more drunken blogging for me. I have no idea why I posted that, but I do remember laughing very hard about it. My apologies.

FutMrsPres (11:53:00 PM): the Beaujolais is awesome
FutMrsPres (11:53:14 PM): free alcohol in french restaurants worldwide
trivialize723 (11:53:24 PM): ha
trivialize723 (11:53:31 PM): Freedom restaurants!
FutMrsPres (11:53:41 PM): it's funny because Bush won

So my marketing interview people DID call me back, just a couple of days later, since the original people, Sunrise Marketing Solutions, in BFE, Maryland forwarded my resume to CRC Advertising in Falls Church, VA because the Metro doesn't run to BFE, and it does run to Falls Church. So I have another interview on Monday.

But TOMORROW, I get to have another informational interview on the Hill. Yay for information! And also, I made contact with some chick I went to high school with because she's a staffer for a Democratic senator who has an opening. Yay random high school people! And there's an opening in the office of the guy who represents Nashville, so I'm going to have my friends at the Vandy Fed Relations Office make a phone call. Yay Vandy Fed Relations!

I love forward progress. And today was a good day for moral victories in forward progress. Now, just like Vanderbilt football, if I am patient and I work really hard, someday, I will turn all this into an ACTUAL victory and not just a moral one. And then, we will tear down the goal posts. And the peasants will rejoice.

But seriously, other than Barack Obama, what is the future of the Democratic party? We really need to figure that out, and soon, because personally, I'm getting really tired of well meaning Republicans telling me that Democrats suck, they aren't going anywhere and if I want a job I should switch parties.

Last night I got a phone call from I guy I had called to help me get a job with a Democrat, and by the end of the conversation, to put it mildly, I had been torn a new one. He asked about my "values," and then told me that Democrats were stupid, going no where, blah, blah, if I want a job I should switch parties, blah, blah - and this was the guy I called to get me connected with a new Democratic Congressman (Jim Costa of Fresno, if anyone else can help me.)

Dude on the phone: Are you for God?
India: Yes? (but not in the way that sounds, no no, stay with the easy answer.)
Dude on the phone: Are you for Country?
India: Yes (except when we do stupid shit and I contemplate moving to Canada. No, stay with the easy answer, and pout later about how Republicans abducted patriotism.
Dude on the phone: Are you for motherhood?
India: Yes. (what kind of question is th- oh. It's the abortion question. And I just answered wrong...but I was tricked. Nevermind. Abort, abort! No pun intended!)
Dude on the phone: Where do you have an ideologocial problem?
India: (I want to live in a secular state, not a Christian state, I want gay people to get married and have it recognized by our government, I'm for fiscal discipline, I'm for responsible government, I'm for people who can pronounce "nuclear") Um, my family is from Alabama, and the Republican party there is sort of crazy, and I can't in good conscious join them. (Please let that be enough, I don't want to do this.)
Dude on the phone: Like what?
India: (Damn, fair question.) Do you know who Judge Roy Moore is?

-ensuing discussion of the seperation of Church and State, and I think it's a great plan, and Dude on the Phone doesn't, and proceedes to tell me why thinking so is stupid. -

This is the part of politics I dislike. There are some issues - abortion, death penalty, party affiliation - that you really can't change someone's mind about. No matter how awesome your argument is, they're not going to buy it. So it's a waste of time. But people do this all the time. And like last night, it often comes out of the blue. On airplanes is really the worst, and it's happened to me more than once during this election cycle. (What are you studying? Political Science? Oh, I have the Best Opinion Ever, and I'm going to MAKE you agree with me! No sleeping for you!)

So, the goal of today, aside from going to Capitol Hill with 40 copies of my resume, is to write out exactly why I'm a Democrat, and why I plan to stay one for the next four years. And if the Dude on the Phone tries to tell me that fiscal discipline is actually a Republican value, because he will, I want to have numbers and % at my disposal to tell him why that is no longer true. Time to Bring It Hard. (Assistance in this project gladly appreciated.)

From TNR, (and I don't think you have to promise your first born child for this one, yay!) a story on how to fix the Democratic party. The author offers himself as the new party chairman for a variety of reasons. Money Quote:

I Understand the Red States: In between stays in Massachusetts, New York, and California, I spent a summer in rural Georgia. I left after about two weeks, because the whole place kind of gave me the creeps. If you're ever down there, eat at Waffle House. They should really open one of those here in Hollywood.

...

Cryogenically Freeze Barack Obama: He's pretty much all we've got, and right now, everyone loves him. Let's not risk it. Freeze him now, before he makes any Senate votes that could later be misconstrued. We'll thaw him the night before the Iowa caucus. If he's polling well.

I notice at the bottom of the screen that the author is also a writer for the upcoming Fox show "American Dad". Like all Fox reality shows, I'm sure this one is going to be a winner.

I did not get called back for my marketing interview. Boo. So today I sent off three more job apps. I think. Sometimes, I lose track.

I really wish our internet would work better in The Mansion. I can't check my yahoo email, and I'm tethered to a cord, which happens to be in the darkest room in the house. So while I would like to work in the sunny and spacious kitchen, I'm stuck in the dark and dreary living room. I'm starting to glow in the dark. Bah.

I should have gone jogging today, but I was lazy, and now it's dark, and it's a bad idea to run by yourself outside in the dark. So now, I'm off to find something to eat that once grew on a tree or in the ground.

Hmm. This is not interesting. I promise I will do something interesting tomorrow.

P.S. For all you band nerds out there, rememberThe Stanford Band? (register and password: hogtied2) I was amused. (Hat tip: Joel)

The Internets are fun. Today, Slate has an orgasm story. Actually, I think it's a review of a book about orgasms, which really, is even more fun.

Feel free to giggle aloud in class.

As with the fabled picture revered by all the Women of the Vanderbilt Basketball Band, we have another picture that asks the eternal question: What Else Could That Be? Apparently, Dick Cheney lives up to his name...

Slate's Guide to Managing Your Posse. Yes, as in gangsta rapper posse. Money Quote:

Sometimes, an angry posse can get its leader sent to jail. But just as often, the fury of an entourage can transform a no-account, wannabe rapper into a superstar. Since Slate is extraordinarily popular with the entourage-having-rapper demographic, we've compiled a list of entourage best practices: tips on how to make your entourage's violent impulses work for you. Maybe you'll never get your security team to teach underprivileged kids how to read, but with a little know-how and planning, you can at least stay out of the clink.

Clearly, this is information I need to have, because when I finally break into the rapper music industry, I'm going to make it big.

While my body long ago made the switch from Pacific time to Eastern time, my mental math is still a bit fuzzy. I still add two hours to figure out what time it is in Nashville, rather than subtracting one. (Damn subtraction.) This morning, I'm up unusually early because Steve needed me to drive him to the car place to pick up his no-longer-busted Saab, and I'm totally thrown off.

Usually, the first thing I do in the morning is check my email. Then I check Wonkette, Andrew Sullivan, the blogs, TNR and Slate. Sometimes I wait until the afternoon for Slate, since they post new stuff later in the day. In California, no matter how early I get up, everyone else has already been up for hours, giving me plenty to read, but now that I'm in Eastern time, and it's not even 9 here yet, there's nothing new from yesterday. So, I supposed I'll go shower, eat, get dressed, and then hopefully it will be time for the rest of the world to entertain me.

I believe that one of my Best/Worst personality traits is that I (usually) have The Plan. The Plan, in its Short Term and Long Term versions (and I have had The Long Term Plan for longer than I can remember), is the reason that I get up in the morning and is the MO for most of the life decisions I make. I am only good at "Carpe Diem"-ing when whatever I'm siezing on whatever day does not interfear in a noticable way with The Plan, and thus far, I have no complaints. I had an absolutely fantastic four years at college, and I still have a great life. That's not to say there weren't nasty bits, but The Plan has allowed to me to get through those really nasty things, like working in Rand, because it serves a greater purpose of The Plane - in that case, feeding me for really cheap. Many things have fallen from the sky that move The Plan forward (intern for a Fortune 500 company? For $17 an hour? And a 401K? Write White Papers? Yes, please!), but if they don't, I'm not afraid to do it the hard way as long as whatever I'm doing fits into The Plan. In other words, I need The Plan... which means that I'm sort of at an impasse right now.

I still have The Long Term Plan, but there's a huge hole in my mental timeline as to how to get to the end goal. In other words, I have only a sketchy idea of The Short Term Plan, and that really bothers me. After a long summer of having far too much time to think about many things, I do at least have a Short Term Goal:

To find a political position with the probability of advancement, for a boss that I respect and a cause that I support.

But what does that look like? I'm fuzzy on that.

One of the reasons I just up and moved out here is that it became clear to me that I was not sufficiently advancing The Plan in California. So now I'm here, and I love being here, but it is an adjustment. For starters, it was immediately clear to me that the people in The Mansion are far more laid back that I have ever been. It's kind of fun, especially since my initial reaction was to get all uptight, and it's really just not possible to be uptight with these people. (And I am so grateful - it saves me so much angst.) So tomorrow, for shits and giggles, I will be taking part in a road trip to Virgina to a high school football game at a prep-school. And it will be fun. And then I will come back, have dinner with one of my contacts, and begin a new week.

There's an interview in Baltimore on Monday for Sunrise Marketing Solutions. Wish me luck.

Oh lord. I have no idea what this guy was thinking, but I am quite amused. Translations appreciated:

oh, pick me, pick me
Reply to: anon-48530154@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-11-10, 3:27PM EST

hello 8-O !!!!

Hi! I own a lower case letter, ellipsis and emoticon startup factory in Adams Morgan. B:-)…imho i'm more like a twelve year old girl than a grown man, except for my extra large ~~~~~8}, outgoing, cute -- so says my mommy :-?, fun/die \_/!, well-traveled [around my apartment], very happy and devilish ]:-)... and i enjoy just about everything and everyone except lamo weirdos and retards and fags... i.e. i enjoy my life, work, friends, experiences... yep, everything (except see above, dork)!!! :-{)

as well, i'm laid back, yet a cleannie you weenie... and am open & understanding to everything/everyone except pervos and dumbasses... >=^ P… basically, nothing will phase me... well, perhaps some things would? a huge goiter may make me want to hork.... i've seen/experienced a lot [canada, space camp, masturbation] in my life... which is a good thing, i feel, especially the masturbation!!!!

and here's my story: i'm in search of a bffl.(best friend for live, reject) :-P... and, if things go further, great! plus, if i were to be with someone [i.e. as more than just a "friend"], but they were still just a friend, I wouldn’t have to pay for your dinner!!!!!! so, for me, being "friends" is an ok place to start... and, again, as i said... we'll see where it goes from there $-)!

so... i'm interested in meeting a pleasant/kind/fun/hot/horny/friendly/happy/honest/cute/etc. female friend who wants to get jiggy with it and is/might be a fan of the following things...

body mods, traveling -- and do i have stories to tell !-(!!!, fantasy football, fun times!, my apartment, skiing, friends with benefits, cheese whiz, table tennis -- though it's been awhile!, movies/films, la fromage, pleasant vibes, american culture/s, dancing the watusi!, living in foreign lands like canada, smiles, honesty, bike rides!, peep shows, spicy things, taking naked pictures of yourself, learning, free-stylin’, sharks, the truth, museums of medical odditites, watching the seasons change on tv, new things, gerbiling, the arts, human/equal rights, speaking foreign tongues like klingon (Hab SoSlI' Quch!), cuddling, int'l affairs/issues, pool -- both swimming [though i much prefer it in the ocean/sea] n w/cues, dark beer, water sports, scat, ice cream, theatre, mountains, valleys, hills, crevices, spelunking ( 8(|)

so... if you like what i like, and would like to make a new friend with benefits... let's hang out :-}! !!!!

hmmm, how's this for a first date idea... we have sex... then you buy me dinner... perhaps a drink or two to follow ...and then, then I dance for you, you get wet and we have more of the sex…then I smoke :/i!!!!! well, either that or some sort of performance at, say the good guys? or... the new chuckie movie/film :)! i very much enjoy all the above, and more! ...as do i a quiet evening at home on top of you =====:} !!!!

let's start with... shall we say, some info on you/a pic? i'll respond with the same P*! And don’t be a fat retardo!!!!!

I love those people that will always make me feel really good about myself, no matter what else is going on in my life:

Use discretion when rubbing your ass on my banana hammock, please
Reply to: anon-48623060@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-11-11, 12:16PM EST

Waking up around seven AM this morning in my Adams Morgan compound, I glance up to the mirrors over my bed and take it all in -- muscle mass, density, ripped definition, intensity, stamina, endurance, mental focus, dignity, flair, and humility. I shower. While I am air drying I read the Washington Post and treat myself to a breakfast of sea turtle Eggs Benedict with marmoset bacon. I was it down with a glass of breakfast wine.

Dry I am contemplating my morning commute. The post says it will be warm today, so I throw on my Carla Behrle leather pants. No shirt. I grab my New Yorker that came in the mail yesterday and I head for the red line from Woodley Park to Judiciary Square. Yes I am at work today. The multinational conglomerate that I help run never rests. When I hit the platform I notice that I am not alone. Tons of lovelies on the platform. I give them a few poses before the train arrives: Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, and signature Back Lat Spread. You can tell they are getting hot. A brown haired woman nearly faints before she can grab for the ceiling of the train. I suspect my pheromones are overpowering her ability to balance. Others react differently. A green-eyed blond starts grinding her ass into my banana hammock and doesn’t stop until she gets off at Farragut North. All in all, a good morning for yours truly.

Me you ask? Air drying. Eating exotic and endangered animals. Public transportation. Keeping informed. That is what I am about. And if you want to rub your ass on my banana hammock on metro, please keep in mind that shouting, “Ride’em Cowboy!” probably isn’t appropriate behavior.

I have no idea if this website has any factual basis. However, it's still amusing because Mississippi is last.

(Hat tip: Jay Williams)

Sometimes, I wish I were a Republican. Today is one of those days. See, if I were a Republican, then I'd have a job by now. One of my old bosses knows a Congressman personally who has a Legislative Correspondent position open right now. I'd be a shoo-in. But no, I'm a Democrat, and I have "principles" and "morals" and the nasty feeling that some of my friends wouldn't speak to me if I went after this job. I refuse to work for someone who is against letting gay people get married. I'd rather file for unemployment that do that, but I can't think of anything else that would be a deal breaker. I haven't looked at this guy's record yet.

So I'm debating whether or not to do it anyway. Leaning towards doing it, since it pays the rent. But I wish it weren't time for this choice quite yet, as I'm not really desperate right, right now. Give me two weeks...

CURSE YOU, MORAL STANDARDS!

I read about this particular incident yesterday, but having read it again, I must link to it. From The Washington Post:

"Sen. Zell Miller (D- Ga.) laced into New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd Tuesday on the 'Imus in the Morning' radio show, saying, 'The more Maureen Loud [sic] gets on 'Meet the Press' and writes those columns, the redder these states get. I mean, they don't want some high brow hussy from New York City explaining to them that they're idiots and telling them that they're stupid.' Miller also suggested 'that red-headed woman at the New York Times' should not mock anyone's religion: 'You can see horns just sprouting up through that Technicolor hair.'

"Dowd responds: 'I'm not a highbrow hussy from New York. I'm a highbrow hussy from Washington. Senator, pistols or swords?' "

Yes! I will definitely challenge someone to a duel in the next month. It's the in thing to do...

I love the Internet for many reasons. I love the freedom of information, I love the searching capabilities, and mostly, I love the things that are put there by people with too much time on their hands. Like Jib Jab. And The End of the World Video. And while it falls into a slightly different category, I also love the video of the Impatient Sheep that winds up leaping into a wall (I've lost the like to this one). In the latter category, there is also The Dancing Trombone. He never fails to amuse me.

Hat Tip for Dancing Trombone: Rachel Harbers

Goals of Today: Send resumes to new members of Congress, most notably, Barack Obama. Now, about that cover letter, should I put on there that I'm an Obama groupie? And that I'd have his babies? I'm thinking a) that's not professional and b) that really won't help distinguish me from the rest of the prospective candidates. I haven't heard of any Democrats who don't want to jump Obama.

Oh well. Cross your fingers for me!

I have tried for many years to find things about the South to be proud of. My family is unquestionably from Alabama (State Motto: At Least We Aren't Mississippi), and rather than disown them, I tried to look at the good things. Southern Rock, good. Southern manners, good. Southern hospitality, good. Southern football, good. Southern accents, sexy. Southern food, oh so tasty. It also helped that I lived in Huntsville, which I still maintain is a fabulous city, even if the PTA wouldn't let the teachers talk about the Native Americans on Thanksgiving because they "worshiped rocks". Huntsville, I have determined, is not typical Alabama. We have electricty AND running hot water.

However, I can no longer gloss over the fact that the South does some incredibly stupid things, and I think it's high time we called them on it. So, when asked where I am "from", I will still give the easy answer "My parents live in Los Angeles," but I will cut out the explanation that usually followed.

Hat tip: Joel

Well, I have moved into my permanent temporary housing now. I like the Mansion (the official name of the house), and as I settle into my permanent temporary status, I’m trying to grasp all the things that I need to take care of now. Job, apartment, apartment, job, WHICH COMES FIRST!!

Today, I attempted to do both, but the internet is all funky at the Mansion right now, so the search is on to wander around the city to steal free internet. For all the DC people, I’d tell you to email any good free spots, but since I have to first find them in order to check my email, that’s not a good plan. Looking for jobs and apartments sans internet is rather difficult, so I hope we get the wiring all fixed up in the Mansion soon. Tonight, I will volunteer to be the official harasser of the internet provider, since I can’t really do much else until I’m plugged back into the Man, I mean, the internet.

I did get a call today from my old boss at SCE who is also trying to get a job on the Hill and he gave me a couple of good leads for new members from California to FedEx stuff to their offices, which is exciting. Naturally, I’m also sending stuff to Barack Obama, because I’m in love with him, but so is everyone else, so those jobs will be harder to land. But hey, I have a good resume, and hope springs eternal. At least I’m not an actress.

The other positive thing is that all the other residents of the Mansion are really nice, and perfectly happy to have me bum around for a while, especially since I’m reducing their share of utilities. To say that I was afraid that they wouldn’t like me isn’t exactly right, but I was afraid that they would not like another person around. I need not have worried, as a more laid back group of folks would be difficult to find. This once again proves the statement that the friends of my friends are my friends.

Goals of Today: Find the Internet so I can check my email
-Fed Ex new members of Congress, to be followed up with harassing phone calls
-Buy soap so I can continue to be clean

Goals of Tomorrow: Wander the city and look for apartment
-Spend no more money

While in college, I regularly followed 8 out of 10 of the College Commandments.

Yes! I'm going straight to College Heaven! The Real World, I mean, Grad School!

And lest I forget..

CONGRATULATIONS STEVE AND EMMA! As another bridesmaid said, I will openly weep at your wedding, but it's only because I'm so very happy for both of you. Rock on.

Whenever things start to get overwhelming, I like to read the personals on craigslist.org. Example:

I have a case of the Mondays. I am not to happy or to sad just kind of apathetic. I live in Fairfax enjoy my life and job. College educated charasmatic,sometimes cocky,always funny,charming decent guy. I would love to meet a woman who possesses the same traits. Please be 19-30 race is not an issue although I due prefer white women. I am Italian and English. (American)
Please send me a picture and we can grab some food tonight and complain about Monday.

All of a sudden, I feel much better about my life prospects...

Okay, you know those awful AOL commercials? The ones where all the members tell them how to make the Internets better and the management just goes "okay, great idea!" Well, I hate them, and apparently, I'm not the only one.

Slate does a ad campaign report card, which I love because I would like to make commercials myself someday. And they dislike the AOL thing too. Money quote:

The mom ad is bad because it's cringe-making. She's whiny and irritating, with a high-pitched bray of a voice. Her haircut is dreadful. Also, she requests Orwellian spy tools to invade her children's privacy—chat room "monitoring," and a report card assessing her kid's behavior on the Web. Meanwhile, she roughly plops said kid in the lap of a complete stranger (so she can deliver this manifesto unencumbered). As a friend indelicately put it: "I wish she were handing that baby to me, so I could throw it through the plate-glass window."

I completely concur. Just thought I'd share.

I love Vanderbilt, and I can't wait until I make more money so that I can give them some of it. And Homecoming was lovely, though a little weird because there were parts when it felt like I never left. The part that I didn't like was that I had to tell people over and over and over and over again that I did not have a job, nor an apartment, and that I'm moving to DC anyway. The explanation of the weekend was, "I'm Homeless, but not a Hobo." I suppose it's better than "I'm still living with my parents and using my alphabetical filing skills" but still, it's not the answer I wanted to give.

One of my friends asked me what I'm going to do when I wake up on Monday morning. I've actually thought about this a lot, because the only way I can avoid thinking that this was an awful decision is to focus on one day at a time. So today, I'm going to call a potential roommate, I'm going to go for a jog, I'm going to look at the apartment complex across the street from the Whitley's apartment, and I'm going to go to the grocery store. Tomorrow, I'm going to go look at more apartments, check out craigslist.org and repeat as necessary until Victory Is Mine.

Song of the Day: "Where Do We Go From Here?" from the musical Evita

I've been at Vanderbilt Homecoming all this weekend, and it has been awesome. It's sort of weird, because things are different, obviously, but I only left six months ago, so it's not that different.

I'm starting to be more nervous about this whole Hobo thing. Homecoming allowed me to deflect some of that for a while, but I don't think I can ignore it anymore. I really do need to get on that apartment thing, and soon. I love my friends, and I'd like to keep them...

(India’s warning: This is an absurdly long post.)

And thus it came to pass. I am sitting on the airplane that is transporting me to Nashville for Vanderbilt’s Homecoming. (How do I write my blog on an airplane you ask? The magic of Word. And actually, this might be better anyway because blogger can’t eat my post.) I sort of feel like a hypocrite calling this “moving out” because it’s only sort of moving out. I’m going to be home for Thanksgiving for a week…in about two and a half weeks. Part of that is financial – it’s cheaper to fly in and out on Tuesdays, I’ve discovered – and part of it is because I want to be there for real working days so I can harass the medical people to do things for me before I go off of my dad’s insurance. So moving out today was less stressful because if I forgot something important, I only have to deal for a short time. It’s a mental thing. Yes, I did think about just moving out after Thanksgiving, but I wanted to go to Homecoming, and I did the math, and this really is the best way to go, even if it means more schlepping. And actually, now that I think about it, it’s not more schlepping. I still have the same amount of stuff…

On a related note, I managed to get all of my suitcases to through the baggage claim successfully, which I consider a great accomplishment, because I had to do the first leg by myself. I’m depending on the kindness of strangers and friends to help me schlep them around from here on out. Have I mentioned recently how awesome my friends are?

And there are five of them – suitcases, that is: three to check, my one carry-on and my one “personal item,” and they are all heavy. Two of them, while not bulging, are pushing the 50 lb weight limit. (And before you start thinking, “India, what the hell? Why do you need all that stuff?” I want you to take a look around your room and mentally pack all of it into suitcases. How many would you need? Yeah, that’s what I thought.) And I carried all five of them all by myself. Well, if by “carry” you mean “pay $3 and push a cart around, then I carried them. And then when I got to the desk, I was so afraid the check-in lady was going to weight them and charge me the extra weight fee, but she didn’t even weight them. But, that’s a good thing because even after the morning with the scales, I know they’re riiiiiight at the limit (fwhagads), and I’d like to not pay that fee.

A quick comment on the flight attendant, and then I’m going back to talking about me. He set off the early warning signal on my Gaydar when he told us to wear our seatbelts like Britney Spears – low and tight across our slender hips – and he just did the wrist thing. I am highly amused.

Oh, and I ran into two more Vandy alums on this flight. And that’s after the DoDec was my waiter at PF Chang’s in Santa Monica. I’m waiting for this alumni thing to really give me an awesome job…

I am so excited to get back to Nashville for a bit. Friday, I’m having breakfast with The Whitley at the Pancake Pantry (woo!), and then I’m going to have the Med Plate at Rand, and then more of my alumni friends will be in town and food will not be the most exciting thing going on. Saturday, I think there’s some football and more fun times, and then Sunday I schlep to DC. Yay DC!

Election aside – Yes, I am still horribly disappointed by what happened on Tuesday, but at least we weren’t robbed, and we weren’t beaten that badly. Yes, we were beaten, but it many ways, it’s our own damn fault. It’s time to hold a real Democratic Convention so we can figure out what it means to be a Democrat. Does the Michael Moore wing have more people, or does the Bill Clinton/New Democrat wing have more people? What does it mean to be a Democrat? It’s time for us to figure this out so that in two-four years, we’re in a position to kick ass. And if the party doesn’t get it together, I’m really not kidding about starting my own. And that’s really all I want to say about the election right now.

First order of business in DC is finding permanent living arrangements. I mean, I’m already naming my first-born child after Emma and Whitley, I don’t want to have to hand it over outright. I suppose the naming thing could be bad if it’s a boy, but hey, a rash promise is a rash promise.

Mommy, the kids at school said that “Emma” is a girl’s name, but I’m a boy.”

“Well, see, Mommy was really grateful to her friends when she first moved to DC because they helped Mommy not be a Hobo, That’s also why you have 15 middle names.”

(Clearly, my Baby Daddy has no say over the naming procedure.) So, yeah, apartment. And job.

So stay tuned to the Hobo Diaries, your guide to how I’m Not Living On the Street.

I'd like to blame Nader, but I'm not sure I can. Slate does, and it almost makes me feel better. Almost.

I am so very upset. What happened, America? Seriously. Now he has a mandate, and more seats in Congress. I am so afraid of what my country will become...

I have to go pack now. I leave tomorrow for DC via Nashville. I was so hoping to go there and look for work in the new Kerry Administration, but it just wasn't to be, apparently. I hoped this feeling was a one time in 2000 thing, but apparently not.

5:04 - Yay voting!
5:07 - Mississippi has not yet been called. This is the most reliable sign of Kerry victory yet. Do I expect Kerry to win Mississippi? No way. However, the fact that it hasn't been called yet is awesome.
5:08 - Barack Obama is the projected winner. I love this man. Clearly, Jesus voted for Barack Obama.
5:11 - North Carolina is in play? I thought that was a Red State too... Go John Kerry!
5:13 - Oops. NBC just showed me the wrong graphic. Apparently, the new Dem Gov of West Virginia looks like President Bush...
5:18 - David Letterman said "Nader"! He loses Gwen Ifill's game!
5:21 - Red = Bush, Blue = Kerry, if you didn't know this by now, you really haven't been paying attention. Though I do like the on-the-screen doodling a la football.
5:22 - Nader has 0% of the vote in Florida with 9,000 votes. Douche.
5:26 - I just saw Alabama where Kerry apparently had 49% of the vote. That has to be wrong, so what the hell am I watching?
5:28 - Vanessa Kerry just winked at David Letterman!
5:31 - North Carolina and South Carolina for Bush, according to NBC, making B:89, K: 77
5:33 - The Spanish news channel says Mississippi is for Bush, B:94, K:77.
5:37 - I'm not sure I can do this all night. I might have to go see a movie or pack a suitcase or just do something else...
5:42 - 102 for Bush. Where are those Rolaids?
5:43 - Well, New York State hasn't been counted yet. I'll hold off yet.
6:01 - Bust 155, Kerry 112, though I don't know what else we've called. Keeping up is hard.
6:05 - Amendment 36 in Colorado has failed. I don't blame them.
6:31 - 1% for Nader in Florida. Douche.
7:17 - Ohioda. I love the Daily Show.
8:01 - definitely buzzed. And PA is my new favorite state. After Ohioda.
8:23 - NADER ON CNN. GIANT DOUCHE! GIANT DOUCHE!
8:46 - I can't handle any more of these GOP operatives telling me that they actually did win PA. Time for the HEAVY, heavy drinking.
9:37 - I can't do this more than once every four years...
10:50 - I've switched to "He's a Lady". Much more relaxing. And plenty of Evan Williams...
11:13 - Hey, what happened to the Youth Vote? VOTE OR DIE? WTF? I was counting on you and your cell phones. What the hell. Seriously. I'm ashamed of all you young people that didn't vote.
11:45 - It just occured to me that tomorrow is my last day in CA. I should get on that packing thing. Maybe I should do that instead of chewing my nails...
12:50 - I give up. Ohio is too close to call, Iowa went home because it's tired, Wisonsin isn't in, NV isn't in, NM isn't in. I still believe, but I also realize that the rest of my life [my move to Canada] starts too soon to have time to waste sleeping in, so I should go to bed. I'm really glad this only happens every four years. I want to live to be an old lady...

Apprently, Nader is staying away from swing states in his campaign for Douchebag in Chief.

I appreciate this. I retract my former assertation that he is a Giant Douche.

More to follow later as I quasi-live blog the returns. But for now, I point you to a Slate article, loosely titled Republicans vs. Black People, or, as I like to put it, "The Little GOP Lawyers That Could."

I voted this morning, wearing my College Dems "Kiss My Ass" T shirt. At my polling place, a garage in my neighborhood, I practiced voting with the new dot system in California (no more chads for us) and had a brownie. Then I voted, heart racing, paranoid that I would accidentally for Buchanan or against stem cell research. But I prevailed, and now I have a sticker.

Then I went to the store and bought Rolaids, just in case I need them.

I honestly believe Kerry will win. Too many people in this world think Bush screwed up and it's time for a change. Regardless of the three possible outcomes (per the Daily Show the possible outcomes are: Kerry wins, Kerry loses, Civil War.) I think there will be tears tonight.

Full Disclosure: I've cried already today. The woman standing in line to vote in Ohio even though she's in labor (Hat Tip: Andrew Sullivan), the lines of people waiting patiently, calls to NPR asking the LA County Registrar last minute questions... Mostly, I tear up just because people care. See, I have always loved voting, as I am unquestionably opiniated and voting is the purest expression of an opinion, and I am thrilled that so many people agree this year. Sure, P. Diddy by himself (Vote or Die, motherfucker, VOTE OR DIE!) may not convince people to vote, but I do think that P. Diddy and Drew Barrymore, and the Rev. Jesse Jackson, and all the ads, and all the political coverage, etc, did produce this larger turnout. That, and 2000.

Time to check the blogs again, though many of them have been down today.

Voting is awesome. Yay Democracy!

I would just like to state publically that I have the Best. Friends. EVER.

Seriously. I will never be able to thank y'all enough.

Nader is still out there, though he's really not doing so well. First, he wanted a cape, then he debated puppets (though not the Team America kind. That would have been too cool for Nader), and now we find from the one reporter left following his campaign, that he's out of money. He says it's because he doesn't accept corporate donations, but I do wonder how many corporations offered him money. (My guess? Zero.) And, he has to deal with punk-ass Democrats and Punk-Ass kids:

“I understand your ideals. I understand your values,” said student Julia Walsh, 24, one of nearly 600 people who jammed a lecture hall at the local State University of New York campus Sunday. “But my question, Ralph, is how do you feel about jeopardizing our future?” The question brought hisses and applause.

My point exactly, though I would have added "You Giant Douche. Or do you prefer Turd Sandwhich?"

Also, Nader is likely to get fewer votes than he did in 2000, though he still may manage to screw Kerry, which I think would make him happy, since I think he dislikes the Democrats more than he dislikes the Republicans. I quote:

Few voters may cast a vote for Nader on Tuesday, but he has no intention of giving up his fight. He vowed “major retaliation” for what he called the “constitutional crimes” of Democrats and their “disgraceful, fascistic” efforts to keep him off the ballot. In the meantime, Nader told voters in closely contested New Hampshire the same thing he told them here in Kerry country: “Vote your conscience. If you don't vote for what you want, you're never going to get it.”

Fascistic efforts to keep him off the ballot? No no, Ralph, the Democrats are just abiding by the letter of the law. If you cannot manage to get enough different AND valid people to sign your petitions, then you don't get a spot on the ballot. It's the law. The Constitution never says that we should be obliged to let your whiny ass vote, in fact, the Constitution was all for restricting the electing powers to people who wouldn't be swayed by whiny Giant Douches.

So, yes. Vote your conscience. And if we end up with four more years of this, let that be on your conscience too. Douches.