Hurricane I

It's official. Memorial Hall at Vandy must still memorialize the Confederacy, lest the University reimburse the United Daughters of the Confederacy. Being as our University is cheap about stuff like that, I imagine we'll just let it be "Memorial Hall" and not talk about who, exactly, we're memorializing.

Go Dores!

So I'm playing on the internets rather than walking outside. Sweating is for ... people who have to go outside. The bonus is that unlike being bored at work (happens often) and playing on the internets, when I'm at home, I can post what I find without fear of getting in trouble.

-Side note: I believe that I have now successfully blocked this site from the Google Searching Borg. The necessity of this saddened me greatly, as it is really funny to know that someone stumbled onto your blog for a random search. But alas, I got tired of people that I work with warning me about blogging. (Like I'm the only one). But for those of you that were paying attention back then, the reason that the sex-scandal goddess Washingtonienne got fired from her Hill job was because she was blogging from work computers. We all know that it was just a farce, she was being fired for having sex with high-level federal officials and taking money from them, but that's not a legal reason. Misuse of computers is a reason. Hence the blockage.

But back to the original thing I was linking to: Senator Tom Coburn, a conservative senator from Oklahoma, knows all about sex and wants to share. Be sure and read through to the bottom of the article. That's the best part.

Oh baby, oh baby, shake that cake. I want me some of that.

For the non-politically inclined, Deep Throat was the person who fed information about the Nixon Watergate cover-up thing to the Washington Post and created the atmosphere that led to Nixon to resigning. Obviously, this was a HUGE deal, and everyone wanted to know who the source/leak was. The WaPo refused to reveal their sorce until after all the people connected to this event were dead, (hence the practice of calling this very famously annomous person "Deep Throat") but now, this former FBI guy has announced that he is Deep Throat.

I'm linking to the Washington Post version of this story because I think it's funny that the WaPo has no comment on this story. To my mind, this means that we don't know if this guy is telling the truth or not. It's not necessarily true that if a fake Deep Throat were announced, the real Deep Throat would come forward because the real DT could be dead. Remember, the WaPo was going to release the information after EVERYONE implicated was dead, not just after DT was dead.

On the other hand, the WaPo could just be pissed that someone scooped the one story that they thought could not be scooped.

UPDATE: It's over, Mark Felt is Deep Throat. Witnesseth. I'm a little bummed. It was cooler when he wasn't a real person. I have to wait for the book.

The thing about waiting tables is that my weekends are not the same as everyone else's weekends. My week starts on Wendesday and runs until Sunday. Except, of course, when everyone else has Monday off, then I get to work then too.

But I make excellent money. I definitely work for it, but that's definitely preferrable to sitting on my ass and not getting paid. Somedays, I barely keep my head above water, but if I can just manage not to go under, I'll be okay. I may have to develop a realtionship with a massage parlour, but I'll be okay.

The best part about working where I do is that half the waitstaff also works on the Hill. I see them in the halls, which is kind of cool. I mean, who knew that this job that I only wanted for the monetary aspect would turn out to be beneficial that other thing that I want to do? It also makes hanging out when we have nothing to do more fun, since they are smart people who pay attention to world events. And there are a lot of times when we have nothing to do.

In other news, I had my first peach of the season today. I love peaches, and this one was quite good. (I waited until now for the first peach purchase so they would be nice and ripe and not all fake and crunchy). It feels kind of weird that it's the end of May and if the temperature gets up to 70 degrees, I get excited. I'm used to serious sweating by this time in May. I've heard about the abysmal heat and humidity in DC, but I have yet to experience it.

Good money, good peaches and beautiful weather. What's not to love about DC?

First thought upon getting up today: I need a nap.

I think part of my problem with Mr. Picky is that we do not speak the same language. Apparently, he asked me to do something last week, only, he actually didn't. But now he's mad that I didn't do it. And I think he's a fucktard.

Every weekend, either I or my now ex-roommate are supposed to vacuum the foyer and the stairs leading into our apartment. Two weeks ago, it was her turn, which was excellent since I was in California. But apparently, she didn't do it, which led to the conversation with Mr. Picky upon my return, when I foolishly decided to play on my computer in the living room rather than in my bedroom with the lights off and the door closed.

I though the conversation was about who's week it was. HE apparently thought it was about asking me to do it since it hadn't been done. So I kept saying things like, "We rotate weeks, and I thought it was neat that for the week that I would be gone, it would be her turn." And he kept saying things back like, "Yeah, it's not really a big deal, it takes like two minutes." It was a weird conversation because it really made no sense, because we weren't actually having the same conversation.

It really would have been easy to fix. All he had to do was say, "India, would you vacuum the foyer? I know it isn't your week, but it hasn't been done yet and I'm a crazy fucker with hyperactive OCD and I can't stand to think that it's dirty but I can't lower myself to vacuum it myself." No version of this sentence was present in the conversation, so I maintain that I cannot be blamed for not doing it.

And then he said that he was a little irritated that I hadn't volunteered to help him clean the kitchen or the living room. A) I never use the living room because I avoid him and B) does he think I'm crazy too? I get yelled at for poorly cleaning the things I'm supposed to clean, no way am I opening myself up for more of that. Clean it yourself, you crazy fuck.

It's raining today, so he can't go work, so he has to find things to do, and apparently, minutely inspecting the apartment is one of them. Once I take a bath, I'm so out of here.

Today, my other roommate finished moving out. This doesn't really affect my life except in the one space where we share things - the bathroom. I didn't realize that she owned the shower curtain and the bathmat, so now, I have a naked bathroom. And, not realizing this and not having anywhere to go today, I didn't shower this morning (sometimes I skip days. I have that dry skin problem, so sometimes not showering is better that massively lotioning post-shower). So I definitely have to shower tomorrow, and I can't figure out how to do that without making a giant mess.

And then there's the problem of buying a new shower curtain. I've ordered this one from Target, so it will match my toothbrush holder and soap thingy. I doubt I'll get to Target myself tomorrow (no car), and I'm working both jobs Wednesday, Thursday is work again with The Boy's birthday, so I just ordered the thing. It won't get here until next week, at which point I'll get either really good at leaning up the mess or at taking baths.

Why didn't I see this coming last week?

Today, I was allowed to venture on my own in the waiting establishment in which I work. It was good, I made good money. But I learned something important...

You know how you can be so focused on the talking that the eating gets delayed? Well, when you are deaf and you talk with your hands, that problem gets magnified. I wouldn't have really noticed, but it was my only table, and I was waiting on them to pay so I could go home. And an hour later, I was still waiting. Normally I would have dropped the check and waltzed off, but I felt bad. And it was clear they were the only people there, and I kept offering to take the plates, and they kept saying "no", so it's not like they weren't aware. And they eventually did pay, and they did tip me well. But most of all, I was very proud of myself that I refrained from using my favorite sign-language word: "WOW".

For the un-sign-language'd, I shall explain this word. The word is made by holding three fingers up to your face on either side of your open mouth, literally spelling out "W-O-W." I love this word, and usually, I take any excuse to use it. But I felt it would have been a little bit weird, and I try to refrain from weirding out my tables.

Blah, blah, Jay meme'd me again, and I feel a compunction to answer the charge. Thus:

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
No one knows what the hell this means. Jay said he was following precedent by going with book he hated, and I'm okay with that. No contest - Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce. The only book in the entirety of my high school career that I didn't read. (And I'm including those science textbooks.) I truly loathe that book.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Not really, if we're talking about fictional characters that live in books. In retrospect, I have definitely had crushes on idealized version of people I knew. So those kinds of fictional characters, yes.

The last book you bought is:
I have no idea. I read a lot of magazines (TIME) and blogs and newspapers and library books and books that are given to me, and seriously, I think the last book I purchased was Dan Savage's Skipping Towards Gomorrah for Joel's Christmas present 2003. The last book I bought for my own self was the last Harry Potter. What can I say, I'm a girl on a budget?

The last book you read is:
See, again with the TIME and the newspapers, I work very hard to stay abreast of current events, it's not much different than being in college. There's a lot to read everyday... and then there's the bad TV that must be watched. I mean, Buffy reruns wait for no one. Suffice to say, I think the last two actual book books I read were the last two books I bought.

What are you currently reading?
Oo, an easy one. Founding Brother, non-fiction. It's about, well, the founding of the country. I stole it from the boy.

Five books you would take to a deserted island:

1. Pride and Prejudice - Because if I read it a few more times, I will have the whole thing memorized.

2. The Science of Mind Textbook by Ernest Holmes - If stuck on a desert island, that would keep me occupied. It's kind of a religious philosophy book, and I'd have plenty of time to ponder it.

3. Complete Short Stories of Mark Twain - Because laughing is fun, even on a desert island.

4. Little Women - Because I go for the old classics. Given more of a selection, I'd also bring along my Dickens and my Dumas.

5. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - If I run out of fuel for the fire, I'd like to be prepared. And it's the only book that I have no trouble torching.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons), and why? Michael because he claims not to read. And I'm rebelling agains the 3 rule, and only giving it to Michael because the other people I'd send it to don't have blogs. Yet.

For those of you that missed it the first time, Charlie and the Short Bus that he rode in on, are back. And absolutely hilarious.

I couldn't zoom in any closer and still get a clear picture, but I think you can get the idea.

So the question remains, how weird is this gift?

Question for Boys Who Know Things: Today I bought Marlyn Monroe cufflinks to give as a present. The intended recepient does wear cufflinks, but in conservative DC, am I giving a gift that is too weird?

I'm in California until Wednesday. I needed to get my teeth cleaned, pick up some summer clothes (I tell you, that wool sweater is just not doing it for me anymore), and spent some QT with my momma. It was also the weekend of the big fundraiser for the Youth Group at my church, and since I sort of began that fundraiser nine years ago, and I had to pick a random weekend, I picked this one. I also enjoy being home more when I have something to do, and I'm not just an add-on to the rest of family life. I like having a purpose in my life.

As the fundraiser finished today, I'm exhaused (If you ever need help hosting an event that needs to feed 200 people, I'm totally The Master. Three years of college band camp, plus nine years of church fundraisers, I know what to do.) But I get to eat a lot of good food that I didn't pay for, and just generally get taken care of for a few days.

And my bed at home is fabulous. I'm still sleeping on the flip-n-fucks in DC, and it's definitely starting to make my bad hurt. It feels so good to be back on a quality matress. My credit card and I might have to have a conversation about buying a real matress soon.

UPDATE: I just read my post, and two new thoughts occured to me:
1. I've been meme'd again by Jay, and it has to do with books, which means I need a few days to think about it. I like books. (The other problem is, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with this meme. That's more what I need to think about.)
2. This post needs to be seriously edited. The fun part about a blog is I get to have thoughts. The bad part is that those thoughts need to be in a sequential order if I'm going to tell them to other people, and my thoughts don't happen that way. I think in logic spirals. It gets worse when I'm tired. So, I'm sorry if I made no sense.

Not being able to blog during the time allotted for other things leads to a lack of posting. I will try to be better about this.

So, I've started working the unpaid internship on the Hill. I enjoy this very, very much (there's nothing quite like watching C-SPAN and knowing that you're in the same building as those people), but it does interfere with the temping. Places like to have you work for days in a row, and I can't do that anymore. And the rent still comes due and I like to eat, so that became a problem.

So I decided to start waiting tables again. During the summer breaks in college, I worked at TGI Friday's as both a hostess and a server. It was incredibly difficult for me to get that first job because I didn't have any table waiting "experience," which I thought was dumb since if no one hires me, then I'll never get "experience." So I expected it to be as difficult this time.

It was not.

India: I'd like to fill out a job application.
Manager: For what position?
India: Serving
Manager: Do you have experience?
India: Yes, I've been a waitress and a hostess at TGI Friday's.
Manager: When can you start?

So in the past week, I've shown up for a couple random shifts and "trained." The point of training is to learn the food, but you don't learn the food until you see the food, and that just takes time. The other point of training is to learn how to wait tables, but I promise, that is not difficult, and I've done it before. The place that I'm now working is way more relaxed than Friday's because it is locally owned and not a franchise, so as far as protocol goes, I'm more than golden. And I don't even have to ask people if they want soup or salad, which to me was the high school diploma version of "Do you want fries with that?"

I think the money is going to be much better than Friday's, too. For those that haven't ever waited tables - you know how you're supposed to tip 15% of your tab? We keep up with the total dollar amount of what we sold too, and base a good day/bad day on what percentage we make. (The IRS assumes that you take home 8% of what you sell for income tax purposes, regardless of what you claim you made). We also have to tip out the bartenders and the busers a percentage of our total sales. So if you're one of those special people that just leaves the Standard Two Dollars (an STD), then you're messing with the system, and we hate you.

On any given day at Friday's, I would walk out the door with about 10% of what I sold, which really isn't bad, considering I usually tipped out between 4 and 5%, which means for all those $80 tabs who left me $2, I made up for it somewhere else. Last night, the girl I was following (i.e. she was supposedly teaching me how to be a waitress, but we both figured out fairly soon that was stupid) sold just under $700 and walked out with $125. That sounds good to me.

So, I will study the menu enough to be able to pass a test on the food, and then I will be turned loose to wait my own tables. And crazy people eat at restaurants, so stay tuned for further developments...

I totally remember what I was going to post about yesterday that had me laughing so hard.

For those of you that don't know yet, Marlin Caddell is this kid who writes a weekly column for the University of Alabama's student newspaper, The Crimson White. And he is basically the definition of a crazy religious whackjob, with the best part being that I think he honestly believes that he is a) smart and b) doing a good thing by exposing people to Jesus. I've linked to his blog over there on the right, which I adore, but only because it's a continuation of the insanity.

His columns are always unintentional comedy. This week's column, The anti-Watchman is unleashed (I think it's supposed to be anti-Watchman like anti-Christ) is pee-your-pants funny. The whole column is as if he's mocking himself, and it just somehow compounds the crazy and brings the whole thing to new levels never thought possible.

(Be sure to read the comments left on the bottom of the page, those are often the best part. My personal favorites are always written by Dale Whiteman, who though thought dead in 2001 in a tragic Jim Beam mishap, has taken mocking Marlin to new and improved levels).

And then, if that weren't enough, read Marlin's blog post where he responds to some of the comments people left him. My favorite part:

Simple-minded fool. hmm... I guess my high GPA, two internships, journalism awards, etc. don't add anything to my credentials. I guess I'm just a redneck from hickville who by sheer luck got lost and ended up in Tuscaloosa.

Seriously, if you can get through this whole thing without laughing, I am impressed. Marlin is filled with something, and I'm thinking it's not Christ's love.

While you are on his site, be sure to check the archives where he posts a picture of his cock chicken.

It's very sad. I've not quite been forbidden to blog while being an intern, but as I haven't done anything interesting enough to warrant a book (yet.), I shouldn't get fired for inappropriate use of taxpayer computers. (I'd look up the link on that chick who got fired for that, but I'm lazy. Well, they say she got fired for that, but she really got fired for having sex with too many Congressmen and then having mysteriously better finances. Just Google Jessica Cutler or Washingtoinne, or something like that. It's a good read.) So while I found several things I wanted to post, I could not. Alas. Instead, a haiku:

The Man Keeps Me Down
Working Two Jobs To Make Rent
I Heart Derby Pie

I am in a state of bliss. You see, the Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and while I don't so much care about that, I do care about the Pie.

The Whitely is going to the Derby this weekend, and in preparation for all that, she has bought a large hat and baked Derby Pie. For those of you that do not know, it's basically pecan pie with chocolate and bourbon. So. Good. I love a good pecan pie by itself, but when the chocolate and bourbon is added, I just need to be left alone with my pie. (It's also true that I need to be left alone with my pecan pie too... or lemon...or basically just good pie in general... but that pie is not sitting in front of me. The Derby Pie is. And it is Good.)

And if you don't think that's worth blogging about, you've obviously never had The Pie.

So, Jay “meme”’d me a few days ago, and since I’ve been slacking off, I’ve only now just gotten around to it. But what is a “meme,” you ask? Well, here’s the obligatory explanation:

Behold, the Caesar’s Bath meme! List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can’t really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice.”

And now here's my list. It was surprisingly easy...

1) Facebook/Friendster - Seriously, I don’t get it. Blogs, I get. IMs I get. I’m on both Facebook and Friendster, but I don’t find them appealing. Or any need to spend any time on them, and I think it’s weird when people I don’t know what me to be facebook friends with them.

2) Coffee - This is less my peer group and more the American world in general. If all we’re doing is smelling it, I’m in, but drinking it? Why would anyone want to drink that? The allure of Starbuck in particular is just beyond me. I don’t understand the intense desire for a regular cup of coffee, and I really don’t understand why you’re willing to pay $3 a cup for “special” coffee. I interpret espresso to be the digestive form of injecting caffeine into your veins, though I still haven’t figured out why that tastes good. Or, for that matter, what a latte is. And I’m okay with not knowing.

3) Organic Produce - Organic meat I understand, even organic milk, but I personally can’t taste the difference between an officially certified “organic” apple and a regular apple. Fresh fruit is always better, as is fruit that is ripened on the vine/bush/tree, but “organic” oranges don’t inspire me to pay $5 more for them.

4) The O.C. - Or, as Jason Alexander called it on Celebrity Poker, the “Ock”. I did not watch 90210. I did not watch Dawson’s Creek. Maybe these are all related things… Rich, pretty people with problems by large bodies of water. Boring. Let’s check and see if West Wing reruns are on Bravo.

5) Baseball - Yes, apparently, I’m a Communist. College Football, I adore. March Madness makes me giddy. Baseball… eh. It’s such a slow game that takes forever, but then you go to the bathroom and the entire game has changed. I’m also not into statistics, and the players move around too much for me to care. DC is all excited because we now have a team, and all the lobbyists bought season tickets to woo clients and Congresspeople, and we’re all a-twitter. Please. I want to go to Europe.

And now for the sending it on part. Hmm… I’m going to give it to Charlie, though we’ll have to wait two weeks for the Re-Return of the Short Bus, and to Joel since he was on CNN. Make me proud.

And now back to my regularly scheduled slacking off.

UPDATE: Apparently, I'm supposed to inflict this on three more people, not just two. And apparently, Charlie and Joel are not cool enough to be three people. So I'm also tapping Dr. Meagan because she's nearing the time when she'll be paid to wave pointy objects near sensitive body parts.