Thursday, October 28, 2004
Katherine Harris is the Devil's Bitch
As a Gore supporter, I formed an intense dislike of Katherine Harris, Florida Chair of the Bush Campaign in 2000 and Florida Sec. of State in charge of awarding Florida's electoral votes. Conflict of Interest? What Conflict of Interest?
So when I read about her being "almost" hit by a car, my first thought was that old standard joke:
Of course, my dislike of Katherine Harris was magnified when someone signed me up for her mailing list. They would not let me unsubscribe, and so for four years, I got emails about how the evil Democrats in Florida are targeting poor little Katherine Harris. The worst part is, I figured I'd be free once my Vandy mail account died, but apparently she found me and my alumni address. Damn her and her fucking emails.
Confidential to JAH: Lies make Baby Jesus cry. You aren't sorry...
So when I read about her being "almost" hit by a car, my first thought was that old standard joke:
A truck driver in Florida really dislikes [insert reprehensible catagory of people here. Sometimes I use UT fans. In this case, I'm using 2000 Bush supporters]. So every time he sees one on the road, he runs them over.
One day, he's driving along and he sees a priest [or other holy person of your choice] with his thumb out hitchhiking. Being a nice truck driver (other than the running people over thing), he stops to give the priest a ride.
So they are driving along, when all of a sudden, they see Katherine Harris crossing the street. The truck driver's insticts kick in and he starts to aim for her. At the last minute, he swerves, aghast, remembering that there is a priest in the truck!
"Oh my gosh, Father," says the truck driver. "I'm so sorry! I almost ran over Katherine Harris!"
"That's okay, my son," says the priest. "I got her with the door."
Of course, my dislike of Katherine Harris was magnified when someone signed me up for her mailing list. They would not let me unsubscribe, and so for four years, I got emails about how the evil Democrats in Florida are targeting poor little Katherine Harris. The worst part is, I figured I'd be free once my Vandy mail account died, but apparently she found me and my alumni address. Damn her and her fucking emails.
Confidential to JAH: Lies make Baby Jesus cry. You aren't sorry...
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That reminds me of my favorite joke:
A truck driver is making his way through Florida when he sees a nun hitchhiking on the side of the road. Being a Christian man, he stops and picks her up. They strike up a conversation, and the nun remarks that she thinks driving a truck must be a very difficult job: they get very little sleep, work long hours with no company, etc.
"Oh, no," says the trucker, "I think being a nun would be much harder, because you ladies can't . . ." He stops suddenly, embarrassed.
The nun says, "Because we can't what?"
"Well, sister, because you can't . . . you know, have sex."
"Ahh," says the nun. "It is difficult. Tell me, my son, are you married?"
"No," replies the trucker. "No wife, no kids."
The nun looks at him shrewdly, and says, "Well, why don't we hop in the back seat of this thing and give it a whirl? I've always wanted to give it a try!"
They proceed to have wild passionate sex. When it's over, and they're on their way again, the trucker suddenly bursts into tears.
"Sister, I feel so awful. I lied to you: I have a wife and two kids waiting for me at home."
"That's okay," says the nun. "My name's Steve, and I'm on my way to a costume party."
A truck driver is making his way through Florida when he sees a nun hitchhiking on the side of the road. Being a Christian man, he stops and picks her up. They strike up a conversation, and the nun remarks that she thinks driving a truck must be a very difficult job: they get very little sleep, work long hours with no company, etc.
"Oh, no," says the trucker, "I think being a nun would be much harder, because you ladies can't . . ." He stops suddenly, embarrassed.
The nun says, "Because we can't what?"
"Well, sister, because you can't . . . you know, have sex."
"Ahh," says the nun. "It is difficult. Tell me, my son, are you married?"
"No," replies the trucker. "No wife, no kids."
The nun looks at him shrewdly, and says, "Well, why don't we hop in the back seat of this thing and give it a whirl? I've always wanted to give it a try!"
They proceed to have wild passionate sex. When it's over, and they're on their way again, the trucker suddenly bursts into tears.
"Sister, I feel so awful. I lied to you: I have a wife and two kids waiting for me at home."
"That's okay," says the nun. "My name's Steve, and I'm on my way to a costume party."
Joel --
You forgot about the part where the nun only wanted to have anal sex so she could still remain pure and go to heaven.
Michael
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You forgot about the part where the nun only wanted to have anal sex so she could still remain pure and go to heaven.
Michael
# posted by 
: 5:58 PM
: 5:58 PM << Home
