Thursday, September 30, 2004
The Party of India... or India Party?
I am considering starting my own political party. I plan to call it the "Let's Not Be Stupid" party. Major Platforms:
- A Balanced Budget Amendment to the Constitution
- Civil Rights (specifically, Marriage For Everyone, but I hate referring to "Gay Marriage" as different from "Hetero-Marriage." I want to get rid of "marriage" as a legal term in favor of "civil unions." The definition of "marriage" would now be "a civil union performed in a church." "Gay Civil Union Rights" sounds stupid, so we're just going to refer to them as "Civil Rights". It's also a rhetorial device that allows us to play off of the un-PC-ness of discriminating against black people.)
- Comprehensive Sex Education in Public Schools. We can emphasize abstinence too, since that is the only 100% way to avoid STDs and pregnancy, but we're also talking about birth control and condoms. And we're showing that "Miracle of Birth" video that reminds me of "Red Asphalt," as well as pictures of diseased gentiles.
- Foreign language in elementary school. Not only is it easier to learn that stuff when you're young, considering the growing Hispanic population, in some areas it would just be a very easy way to avoid pretending like English is not a second language for some kids.
- Restoring funding for fine arts in public schools. Yes, the math scores are awful, but taking art class away to buy SAT prep books for everyone is not only boring, it's a stupid idea. Let's aim for well rounded adults, not OCD people who only know how to fill in circles with a #2 pencil.
- More clean, safe and reliable public transit. You can take the train all over Europe, but not in this country. Our steel people are already hurting, so instead of a stupid tariff, let's build more railroads!
- Making Friends with the EU/Asia. Let's go back to history kids. Yes, the 1920s were awesome, and isolationism was fun for a while, but let's not forget what happened after that. Plus, terrorism is a world problem, so it should be obvious that teamwork is necessary, and by "teamwork" I do not mean "US and Britain." We're not that awesome, and we're probably going lose our spot as "World Bad-Ass" here shortly, so we'll need friends. (and people to loan us money when the world switches from the dollar to the Euro as the monetary standard and our economy tanks). Plus, we don't want to be France.
That's all on the platform so far. I'm open to suggestions for other positions, like where would we stand on Free Trade? I'm for it, personally, but not for any good reasons. I think I just like the word "free". I'm also pro-not-fucking-up-the-environment, but I don't really know how to implement that. Maybe we should have an environmental summit, sort of a Big Business meets Hippie Tree Huggers in a "When Harry Met Sally" kind of thing.
Oh! And let's not forget our mascot. (And yes, I already own this one, thanks to The Whitley.)
Cue the balloons!
- A Balanced Budget Amendment to the Constitution
- Civil Rights (specifically, Marriage For Everyone, but I hate referring to "Gay Marriage" as different from "Hetero-Marriage." I want to get rid of "marriage" as a legal term in favor of "civil unions." The definition of "marriage" would now be "a civil union performed in a church." "Gay Civil Union Rights" sounds stupid, so we're just going to refer to them as "Civil Rights". It's also a rhetorial device that allows us to play off of the un-PC-ness of discriminating against black people.)
- Comprehensive Sex Education in Public Schools. We can emphasize abstinence too, since that is the only 100% way to avoid STDs and pregnancy, but we're also talking about birth control and condoms. And we're showing that "Miracle of Birth" video that reminds me of "Red Asphalt," as well as pictures of diseased gentiles.
- Foreign language in elementary school. Not only is it easier to learn that stuff when you're young, considering the growing Hispanic population, in some areas it would just be a very easy way to avoid pretending like English is not a second language for some kids.
- Restoring funding for fine arts in public schools. Yes, the math scores are awful, but taking art class away to buy SAT prep books for everyone is not only boring, it's a stupid idea. Let's aim for well rounded adults, not OCD people who only know how to fill in circles with a #2 pencil.
- More clean, safe and reliable public transit. You can take the train all over Europe, but not in this country. Our steel people are already hurting, so instead of a stupid tariff, let's build more railroads!
- Making Friends with the EU/Asia. Let's go back to history kids. Yes, the 1920s were awesome, and isolationism was fun for a while, but let's not forget what happened after that. Plus, terrorism is a world problem, so it should be obvious that teamwork is necessary, and by "teamwork" I do not mean "US and Britain." We're not that awesome, and we're probably going lose our spot as "World Bad-Ass" here shortly, so we'll need friends. (and people to loan us money when the world switches from the dollar to the Euro as the monetary standard and our economy tanks). Plus, we don't want to be France.
That's all on the platform so far. I'm open to suggestions for other positions, like where would we stand on Free Trade? I'm for it, personally, but not for any good reasons. I think I just like the word "free". I'm also pro-not-fucking-up-the-environment, but I don't really know how to implement that. Maybe we should have an environmental summit, sort of a Big Business meets Hippie Tree Huggers in a "When Harry Met Sally" kind of thing.
Oh! And let's not forget our mascot. (And yes, I already own this one, thanks to The Whitley.)
Cue the balloons!
