Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Hobo Diaries: Someday Soon, The Bus Will Be My Bee-Yatch
I have two bus stories, one I've been meaning to tell for a while, the other more recent.
To Begin:
The day after the most recent tour of Virginia, I began my temp work at the British School of Washington. Sunday night after I got home, I got a call from my temp agency to tell me how to get to the job. The told me to check wmata.com, but they were fairly sure I had to take a bus. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. The Temp Woman kept talking about how she was sure I wouldn't have any problems, everyone else had found it, blah blah. I wanted to say, "Lady, do you know who I am? I just made it home from a THREE HOUR bus ride, and you want me to get on a bus tomorrow to make it to work by 8am? You realize I'm going to have to leave at 5am, right?" But I didn't.
I did my homework - four times, including at 7am the morning of, just to make sure I was still okay. I was supposed to take the train to McPhearson Square and then take the S4 or the S2 bus to Silver Spring at 14th and Eye. I was freaking out.
Now, most intersections have four corners (except the ones that have five and three, and those confuse me greatly), and this one did too. That meant that there were four places on 14th and Eye that I could pick up this train, and my task was to find the correct side before the bus showed up while I was on the wrong side of the street. I check the corner the Metro lets me out on. That sign says 54 and 52. Okay, moving on. Cross the street. That sign also says 52 and 54. Did I read the website wrong? Did I see "S" when I should have seen "5"? Why didn't I go to Kinko's to print out the directions? Check the other corner! X4? Who the hell wants to go there! Where am I going? What should I do?!? One more corner! What if it's not there? I'm going to be late! It's 2.37 miles, I can't walk that, what am I going to do?
Oh. S2 and S4. And there's the bus with the working sign that says "To Silver Springs." Well. I suppose I should get on board now.
But how will I know when to exit the bus? I can't see the street signs until after we pass them. I hate the bus, and it hates me. It's stupid to refuse a job because you have to take the bus, but...
Oh. There's a working sign in the bus, and there's a Voice that tells me what stop we're at in case I can't read. Oh, and here's my stop. That was ... easy.
Getting home was equally easy. And what's more, when I went to go visit my friend after work who lives on 18th and P, rather than take the bus back to where I normally exit, I got off the bus at 16th and P. And I was actually exactly where I thought I was. Holy Crap. This bus is my bitch.
BUS: 5, India: 4
-----------------------------------------------------------
But I have bad bus ju-ju, so the bus always has its revenge, the monster.
I traveled back from the wedding with Jay, and it didn't occur to me to be concerned with the bus journey that takes us from the airport back to the Metro. Not only have I done this bus many times before, I had Jay with me to help fight the good fight.
Due to the slowness of our luggage arriving, we missed the bus at 3pm even though we arrived at 20 till. The next bus didn't leave until 3:40, so we just waited. There was quite a crowd when we finally did get on the bus, and we had to go all the way to the back to find two seats together. The way this bus was designed, there were four seats at the back of the bus facing front, and then a row of seats on either side perpendicular to the back, making a little rectangle in the back of the bus. Jay and I were sitting on the left side of the bus in the two seats closest to the back. I should have known there would be issues when the man sitting in those two seats started yelling before the bus even started moving.
"Move FORWARD! Hurry Up! .... Stand behind the white line when the bus is in FORWARD MOTION! Pete! Sit Down! Hurry Up! Forward Motion! White Line! MOVE FORWARD!!!!!"
As there were people still getting on teh bus, the bus driver did not respond to the hollered instructions from the back of the bus, and he continued yelling off and on until we did finally move forward.
The next fifteen or so minutes were fairly peaceful, as we sort of dozed on the bus. Apparently, our friend used this time to count the change in his pockets for the next leg of his trip. Abruptly, he sits up and flings out his hand with something in it at me.
"A dime?!" (Everything he said was in exclamations.) Confused and sleepy, I shook my head, so he made the same motion to the other passengers on the back of the bus. Eventually, the Perky Brunette Co-ed in the seat across the aisle said okay, she'd take a dime, and he gave her what appeared to be a handful of pennies that she put in her pocket.
What he actually wanted, it seems, is for someone to give him a dime for his 10 pennies, but Perky Brunette Co-ed didn't know this. So he started yelling at her, "A Dime! A Dime! A Dime for the train! No Pennies, A Dime! A Dime for the Fare!" And so forth. She frantically starts searching in her pockets, as does her friend, so he calms down momentarily. Unfortunately, she did not have a dime. So she gives him back his pennies and the nickle she did find.
"A NICKLE!" He proclaims, and then it hits him that he's still five cents short. "A Dime!" He demands again, but she says that she doesn't have a time. She offers him a fare card that has 60 cents on it, but that doesn't compute, so he rejects that option in favor of seeking out another nickle.
"A Nickle, A Nickle, a Lickle Nickle! N-I-C-K-L-E! A Lickle Nickle! A Nickle for the Fare! A Lickle Nickle!" He leaps up out of his seat and starts going up the aisle, thrusting his face at the other passengers, demanding a "LICKLE NICKLE." The guy on the other side of Jay starts rooting around in his backpack, trying to find a nickle. We're all hoping someone has a nickle lest things get violent. Our friend finally comes back down the aisle, notices this activity and cheers on the Backpack Guy.
"A LICKLE NICKLE A LICKLE NICKLE I NEED A LICKLE NICKLE!!!" (I wish there were a way I could properly communicate the volume at which this was delivered.)
"Here!" Perky Brunette Co-ed has finally found a nickle. (Why couldn't she have just found it in the first place? Bitch.) Our friend sits back in his seat and starts humming to himself, very softly.
The rest of the trip passed without incident.
Before we leave the bus, Jay leans over and says, "I'm never riding buses with you again."
The Long Awaited Bus Story
Further India vs. The Bus Background
To Begin:
The day after the most recent tour of Virginia, I began my temp work at the British School of Washington. Sunday night after I got home, I got a call from my temp agency to tell me how to get to the job. The told me to check wmata.com, but they were fairly sure I had to take a bus. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. The Temp Woman kept talking about how she was sure I wouldn't have any problems, everyone else had found it, blah blah. I wanted to say, "Lady, do you know who I am? I just made it home from a THREE HOUR bus ride, and you want me to get on a bus tomorrow to make it to work by 8am? You realize I'm going to have to leave at 5am, right?" But I didn't.
I did my homework - four times, including at 7am the morning of, just to make sure I was still okay. I was supposed to take the train to McPhearson Square and then take the S4 or the S2 bus to Silver Spring at 14th and Eye. I was freaking out.
Now, most intersections have four corners (except the ones that have five and three, and those confuse me greatly), and this one did too. That meant that there were four places on 14th and Eye that I could pick up this train, and my task was to find the correct side before the bus showed up while I was on the wrong side of the street. I check the corner the Metro lets me out on. That sign says 54 and 52. Okay, moving on. Cross the street. That sign also says 52 and 54. Did I read the website wrong? Did I see "S" when I should have seen "5"? Why didn't I go to Kinko's to print out the directions? Check the other corner! X4? Who the hell wants to go there! Where am I going? What should I do?!? One more corner! What if it's not there? I'm going to be late! It's 2.37 miles, I can't walk that, what am I going to do?
Oh. S2 and S4. And there's the bus with the working sign that says "To Silver Springs." Well. I suppose I should get on board now.
But how will I know when to exit the bus? I can't see the street signs until after we pass them. I hate the bus, and it hates me. It's stupid to refuse a job because you have to take the bus, but...
Oh. There's a working sign in the bus, and there's a Voice that tells me what stop we're at in case I can't read. Oh, and here's my stop. That was ... easy.
Getting home was equally easy. And what's more, when I went to go visit my friend after work who lives on 18th and P, rather than take the bus back to where I normally exit, I got off the bus at 16th and P. And I was actually exactly where I thought I was. Holy Crap. This bus is my bitch.
BUS: 5, India: 4
-----------------------------------------------------------
But I have bad bus ju-ju, so the bus always has its revenge, the monster.
I traveled back from the wedding with Jay, and it didn't occur to me to be concerned with the bus journey that takes us from the airport back to the Metro. Not only have I done this bus many times before, I had Jay with me to help fight the good fight.
Due to the slowness of our luggage arriving, we missed the bus at 3pm even though we arrived at 20 till. The next bus didn't leave until 3:40, so we just waited. There was quite a crowd when we finally did get on the bus, and we had to go all the way to the back to find two seats together. The way this bus was designed, there were four seats at the back of the bus facing front, and then a row of seats on either side perpendicular to the back, making a little rectangle in the back of the bus. Jay and I were sitting on the left side of the bus in the two seats closest to the back. I should have known there would be issues when the man sitting in those two seats started yelling before the bus even started moving.
"Move FORWARD! Hurry Up! .... Stand behind the white line when the bus is in FORWARD MOTION! Pete! Sit Down! Hurry Up! Forward Motion! White Line! MOVE FORWARD!!!!!"
As there were people still getting on teh bus, the bus driver did not respond to the hollered instructions from the back of the bus, and he continued yelling off and on until we did finally move forward.
The next fifteen or so minutes were fairly peaceful, as we sort of dozed on the bus. Apparently, our friend used this time to count the change in his pockets for the next leg of his trip. Abruptly, he sits up and flings out his hand with something in it at me.
"A dime?!" (Everything he said was in exclamations.) Confused and sleepy, I shook my head, so he made the same motion to the other passengers on the back of the bus. Eventually, the Perky Brunette Co-ed in the seat across the aisle said okay, she'd take a dime, and he gave her what appeared to be a handful of pennies that she put in her pocket.
What he actually wanted, it seems, is for someone to give him a dime for his 10 pennies, but Perky Brunette Co-ed didn't know this. So he started yelling at her, "A Dime! A Dime! A Dime for the train! No Pennies, A Dime! A Dime for the Fare!" And so forth. She frantically starts searching in her pockets, as does her friend, so he calms down momentarily. Unfortunately, she did not have a dime. So she gives him back his pennies and the nickle she did find.
"A NICKLE!" He proclaims, and then it hits him that he's still five cents short. "A Dime!" He demands again, but she says that she doesn't have a time. She offers him a fare card that has 60 cents on it, but that doesn't compute, so he rejects that option in favor of seeking out another nickle.
"A Nickle, A Nickle, a Lickle Nickle! N-I-C-K-L-E! A Lickle Nickle! A Nickle for the Fare! A Lickle Nickle!" He leaps up out of his seat and starts going up the aisle, thrusting his face at the other passengers, demanding a "LICKLE NICKLE." The guy on the other side of Jay starts rooting around in his backpack, trying to find a nickle. We're all hoping someone has a nickle lest things get violent. Our friend finally comes back down the aisle, notices this activity and cheers on the Backpack Guy.
"A LICKLE NICKLE A LICKLE NICKLE I NEED A LICKLE NICKLE!!!" (I wish there were a way I could properly communicate the volume at which this was delivered.)
"Here!" Perky Brunette Co-ed has finally found a nickle. (Why couldn't she have just found it in the first place? Bitch.) Our friend sits back in his seat and starts humming to himself, very softly.
The rest of the trip passed without incident.
Before we leave the bus, Jay leans over and says, "I'm never riding buses with you again."
The Long Awaited Bus Story
Further India vs. The Bus Background
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